In the Here & Now

I didn't plan on posting today, but I read a blog post this morning that really struck a cord with me. And I find that when that happens to me, I just cannot seem to keep my mouth shut about it! Lucky you :)

 

THIS post was part of my Esther bible study that I've been doing through Love God Greatly. (I mentioned this study here too, and it's really been AMAZING! I cannot say enough about how God has been speaking to me through it. I would highly recommend their studies!)

 

No, I'm not a mom yet. But I want to be. I've thought so much about all the ways that life change will challenge me and pull me in a million different directions. Even without being at that place in my life yet, I still feel those pulls of distraction from my focus on God all.the.time. And all the time when I find my way back into focus, I beg God to use me. To use me in ways I never imagined possible, in ways so big that only He can get the credit for, because there's no way I could make these things happen myself.

 

I was so incredibly blessed by the opportunity to go on my mission trip to the Dominican Republic back in July. It felt BIG and important and like God was going to use me to change the world. When in reality, in so many ways, I was the one who was changed by it. I'd like to think I made even the tiniest of impacts on the lives of the El Carrizal community. I'd like to think that they think of me even half as often as I think of them. But my heart was impacted from the trip and that matters too. I talked about how when I came home from that trip I felt lost...disconnected...like I wasn't doing enough here. It's a whirlwind thing, really. And unfortunately, it's terribly hard to process the words and explain that feeling to people.

 

I'm not going to lie, sometimes I am tricked into believing the lie that what I'm doing here at home, and in the now, isn't enough. I like to rank the order of importance of the ways God is using me. The mission trip feels higher up there, while serving at my church every Sunday or spending time investing in the stories of the people around me doesn't feel as much sometimes. I meet with girls all the time who feel the same way. I've really been thinking about this lately, about the people in my life who buy into this lie. About the ways I buy into it and let it allow me to feel discouraged.

 

And it's such a dirty ugly lie! Clearly God wants me to recognize that and repeat it. Because this is the 3rd time in a row in 2 days that He has clearly pointed it out to me.

 

I saw this cute little pallet last night on Instagram - actually very randomly found this picture, and it really made me think about these "not enough" feelings. This was my caption:

(Look at how adorable this is!!! From @honeydewhomedesign right here in Knox! Found them randomly on IG!) This world wants me to doubt myself, but Jesus assures me that through Him I am enough! This world wants me to conform, but being obedient and faithful to my Savior fills me far more than this world ever could! You can have this world, just give me Jesus!

 

Then the LGG post from this morning. This just did me in:

"You see, “for such a time as this” doesn’t just include the big stuff. Oh, there may be some big, bold, exciting, risky God-opportunities that He calls you to along the way. Don’t miss them.

But daily, God is calling us to the here and now."

 

Where you are? That’s no mistake. And whatever your here and now consists of, I promise that if you stop and take a moment to look around, you’ll find whole lot of Kingdom work to do. That precious generation of little people right in front of your face? They’re tomorrow’s church. Your neighbor across the street and opposite your cubicle? You might be the only Jesus they ever see. That meal you made, that note you sent, that check you wrote, that prayer you prayed? You may have just inspired someone to love God greatly with their lives.

All because you decided to say “yes” to the here and now.

 

Just like that, God reminds me that I have multiple callings on this Earth. Sure, I have a heart for BIG missions, but realistically I can't drop everything to make that happen all the time right now. I also have a heart for ministry. For me, my ministry is here- at home, at work, my own family, the people I go to church with, the people who live in my neighborhood, who I talk to at the gym, my future children. There are lost people all around me. All around us all. It's not my job to save them, and I never could no matter how hard I tried. It's my job to show them love. And every single person that I can inspire to even take a 2nd look at God, matters in the Kingdom of Heaven.

YOU are enough. WHAT YOU DO is enough. It matters. It's important. It impacts people's lives. Letting your light shine is enough.
In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. - Matthew 5:16

 

I hope somebody out there is saying AMEN right now...

 

Not Your Typical Mission Trip Recap

I've been back from my mission trip to the Dominican Republic for over a week now, and every day I've delayed writing this blog post. It's not because I don't want to tell you all the amazing experiences I had - because I do. I just don't know how to craft the right words to make you feel like you were right there with me. And honestly, I'm having lots of feelings about being back home. Sad feelings. Lost feelings. How can I make this trip matter feelings. To be fair, I was warned that this would happen. That people would ask about how the trip was, but in reality they don't want to hear the stories of life change. They want a simple answer - an awesome,  an incredible or just to see the pictures. And they want to pat me on the back for going. So that's what I've been spouting off for over a week now. Simple answers. I've told short stories about the heat, the lack of wifi, the food and the overall culture shock. The things I feel like people expect to hear.

 

But I have yet to sit down with someone and just pour my heart out. Tell someone how many countless times I cried because I saw God moving in this community. About how every single night I prayed to God that He would use me, and everyday He delivered. Tell someone how I so desperately want to live like these people - putting God before everything, no distractions in life and using every breathe to praise Him. That's not even an exaggeration, they use every ounce of energy God gives them to praise Him. I have never felt more loved on and accepted in my life.

Our first time seeing the Greenhouse Project area, where we would work together with the people in the community to complete the greenhouse. And hearing Pastor Daniel's vision that God was bringing to life.

 

Tell my stories about Anyi - a fierce, joyous woman who loves nothing more in this world than her Savior - a woman who hugged me for 20 minutes while we both cried as she continually said to me "I love you" & "God bless you" - a woman who I was forever changed by knowing for only a short week.

 

I changed my profile picture on Facebook to one of myself with one of my favorite little guys that I met, Wine (pronounced Win-nae). So people have seen his big gorgeous smile, but they don't know how much he touched my heart every time he hugged me and how we laughed together when I taught him how to wink. Or how we prayed together for both of our families.

 

I haven't told anyone how I was overwhelmed with emotion when I was speaking at their church, and telling a testimony of how God even brought me to their country in the first place. How blessed I felt in that very moment. Blessed to feel so connected with our God, blessed to have the chance to meet these people who wanted to pour out love all over me, pray for me and accept me as part of their family. Blessed to feel like I was making even the most tiny of differences for one moment in time. Not because of my work, but because I had been obedient when God called me and he was using me in ways I never imagined.

Pastor Daniel's Church in El Carrizal

The guy on the far left, Zacharias gave his life to God while we were there. It was incredible to see him surrender control and lead the way for his younger brothers.

This beautiful little girl, Angela, prayed for our team after we hosted VBS. She thanked God for bringing us, she prayed for our mission, for God to stir deep down in our hearts once we were back home, and she prayed that God would one day bring us all back together because we are forever family.

3 Community Pastors and our team leaders praying over them. The girls in yellow walked for 2.5 hours to come and sing at our community picnic. They wanted to see the people from America that God brought to serve the community of El Carrizal, and more importantly they wanted to pray over us and sing with us.

I've been internally battling with how to apply everything I felt while I was in the DR. I spent my time there thinking that I was missing the comforts of home, only to come home and find that life feels different. It feels cluttered and I'm finding myself distracted all over again. I've been playing catch up at work. I've spent a lot of time sleeping. This was all time that I could have spent praying for what's next, and telling stories that glorify God. Then yesterday, I read this post from my sweet friend Kenzie, about her similar struggle coming home from a trip to Africa. I'm borrowing her words right now, because I can't seem to find the right ones of my own.

 

"I wish someone would've told me that every time I now go to my closet, all I really want to do is throw everything out. That my style will never be the same again because the maxi skirts and t-shirts I lived in during my time there now hold a whole new meaning.

I wish someone would've told me that every time people ask how my trip was, I would daze off for a solid five minutes and still struggle to utter the words: "It...was...uh...perfect. It was perfect." Only to be disappointed with my response because HOW? How do I even begin to explain the way Jesus shattered my heart during my time there?

I wish someone would've told me I'd want to punch a wall when the response is, "Oh Kenzie, you are such a good person!" or "You have such a big heart!" or "You are a brave soul!" Because I'm not. I'm not any better than Abraham and Sarah's doubts or Rahab's lifestyle. My heart is the size of everyone else's and I am anything but brave. What I am is real. I'm afraid. Of being where God wants me to be. Of not being where He wants me to be."

 

All I can do is trust that I am right where God wants me to be. I don't want any recognition for doing what I feel like God called me to do. I want Him to glorified through this trip, through my stories and through the work we did in El Carrizal. If I learned anything at all while I was gone it was that I want to love bigger. Love like Jesus does. And loving can be hard for me. I'm sure certain situations will bring feelings of terror as I attempt to put these words into actions. But what an amazing feeling, when we just let go and let God do his thing through us. That's ALL I want my life to be about.

I know that as long as I am willing to let Him guide me, He will continue to amaze me.

 

Matthew 5:16 (NIV) 

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Steps of Faith - Guest Post

Howdy Lovers! I'm home safe and sound from the Dominican Republic! I don't even know where to begin with all my stories for you!! For starters, the lovely Ms. Erin over at This is my Life invited me to do a guest post as part of her Steps of Faith series. Of course, coming fresh off my mission trip from the DR gives me the perfect material for my post today. Go on over and check it out and get your first recap on my incredible experience!

 

XOXO

Blessings From Abroad

Howdy from the Dominican Republic! (I actually wrote this post last week before I left, but since I'm currently in DR, it works.) Thank you SO much to everyone who donated to my funds for going on this mission trip, for everyone who has sent up even a single prayer for us and for all your sweet emails/texts to wish us well! I don't even have the right words to tell you how excited I am to see how God really turns this into a life changing experience - for everyone involved!!

 

Earlier this week, I got to thinking about how things happen at JUST the right times in our lives. This is hard to see sometimes, especially in the midst of a tough season. But just in my own experience there are so many examples of how God was truly the one in control - even before I realized the power in that. One huge example, is for me to think about what would have happened if Skye and I hadn't called off our wedding? I don't think I would have ended up at OneLife Church, my heart probably wouldn't be so on fire for serving Jesus and I definitely wouldn't be sitting in the Dominican Republic on a mission trip right now. I couldn't see then that the past almost 2 years would take my life down this unexpected trajectory. But I felt deep down in my heart that God had something better. My story was meant to be so much more than just a broken engagement. I couldn't believe it everyday at the time, but on the really low days I always knew. Trusting in that can be so hard, but I'm living proof that it can be rewarding beyond your wildest dreams. Some people call it fate, karma or luck - but I don't believe in any of that. I chose to believe that God saw me through that season of change, and He continually promised me that better days were to come. Better days are here! It's pretty awesome to recognize God at work in all the big moments - but even more in the everyday little decisions in our lives.

 

Who knows maybe I have a future in mission work? I will definitely have the bug after this trip, I'm sure of it. I already have it and we aren't even home yet.

  

If my prayer warriors would continue to pray for us on this trip, I would really love that!

1. Pray for our hearts - that we will be open to letting God lead us into conversations and using us however He can. Pray that we truly believe & seek to make our one life make a difference.

2. Pray for a safe trip down & back home

3. Pray that He will use this experience to bring us closer to Him and ultimately we'll be able to tell stories of change - either in our lives or how we had influence over others.

4. Pray for this community we will be serving - we will be building a greenhouse for them to make their community more self-sustainable, and we will be helping them do a VBS program for all their young people (I can't wait to hug on some sweet babies!!!!).

5. And a selfish one, please pray about the weather. I am so worried that the heat indexes and high humidity with no air conditioning will distract my focus.

 

One of my favorite walls at my church - this idea is what our whole church is built upon.

Your support means the world to me, and it really keeps me going sometimes. THANK YOU! I can't wait to share stories of life change with you when I get home.

First Things First, I'm the Realest

If you are at all like me, then you are seriously loving what Iggy Azelea has to offer right now - including the Fancy song with the post title lyrics. I mean, have you seen the video with her and TI? Whoa too much hotness! I can't seem to get enough of her. And just for your information - did you know that her real first name is Amethyst? Well now you do!
 

 

I loved reading all your comments on my catch up post. That's what I miss about blogging, my sweet friends! I'm not sure that I will end up coming back to blogging full time 3-5x a week like before. I'm just not at that place in my life anymore. I've seen so many posts about "is blogging dead?" and I'm not sure if that's true, but I know lots of us are in a transition time where we aren't on a regular schedule anymore.

 

I did want to share with you a fundraising site that I made this past weekend for my Dominican Republic Mission Trip! I had several people ask me for ways to donate - which totally melted my heart, by the way. So if you feel so inclined - here you go: Nikki's Mission Trip. THANK YOU so much to anyone who even contemplates donating $5 to this cause. It's so special to me and I hope to continue to update you on everything - especially since it's coming up so soon.

I wanted to share a couple other good reads that I've come across lately. I've mentioned before but I LOVE reading single girl/dating posts. I life this single life and honestly it's not always easy. But I remember pleeeenty of days that weren't easy when I was part of a relationship either, so I'm sure the same goes for actually being married. Either way, it's nice to get encouragement no matter what phase you're in.

Single girl reads:
My girl Micah did this dating post, and I loved it. We all have these preconceived rules I think. I know I did/do.
In general:
Single or married girls - this is a must read. You are significant with our without a significant other. Sometimes we just need to hear that.

Until next time, my loves! XOXO