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Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Cameron Bumpdate: 39 weeks!


How far along: 39 weeks today! Going back to the doctor this afternoon for my last growth ultrasound. Scheduled to be induced on Friday, if nothing happens before then.

Baby is the size of a: Watermelon, Pumpkin! All the big round things! haha My apps say he's a little over 7 lbs. I can't wait to see what they say today at the doc.

Cat or mini skateboard according to my wonderful Ovia Pregnancy app


 
Sleep: Sleep has been a bit more of a struggle this past week or so. I don't feel rested at all. I'm certainly sleepy and able to fall asleep but once I wake up it's harder to shut my mind off.

Total Weight Gain: I think I'm up to 31-32 lbs now. Which puts me over my ultimate goal that I only wanted to gain 30 at the most. Oh well!



Stretch Marks:  None that I can see - there are plenty areas of my body that I can't see very well right now though. Out of sight, out of mind is fine by me!

Innie or Outie:  Innie for the winnie!

Symptoms: I'm an emotional wreck. I cry because I'm happy, I cry because I read something sad, I cry because I'm anxious, or scared. The tears feel like a constant these days. I really don't like that!!!!! Other than that, physically I'm in really good shape. I am so thankful this pregnancy has been "easy".
 
Movement: My big boy is still very active. It's funny now to watch his movements when he gets going, but also a little painful.

Miss anything?:  Not being constantly hot. I am sweating, or on the verge of sweating, 99% of the time. Of course we are having unseasonably warm weather for late November, but still. I can't stand it. I wish we would have a record cold snap!
 
Maternity Clothes: Rotating what few maternity outfits I have, and that's fine with me. Definitely ready to wear some of my normal clothes again.
Go-to eats: I'm about 50-50 on eating healthy. Not craving anything special though.

Best moment of the week: When my doctor approved me to be induced!!! I was SO happy to have an end date in sight. Of course, I have second guessed that a million times since last Friday when we scheduled it, but I am definitely ready to get this ball rolling.
 
Gender: BOY BOY BOY!!!!

What I’m looking forward to: Holding my baby!!!! This will be a reality in a matter of DAYS!

Milestones: I think it's a milestone to make it to 39 weeks. I have thanked God so many times that Cameron wasn't a preemie. It's definitely difficult to share your body with a growing baby, but it's such a miracle. It's so hard not to wish the time away so I can meet him face to face, but also to savor this sweet alone time that I have. It's such a personal, special experience.

You can follow me on Instagram for updates as we get closer to our due date!
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Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Focusing on Being Thankful

When I wrote "On Becoming a New Mommy" post back in September, the birth of my child was still 10 weeks away. Honestly, 10 weeks kiiiinnnnda felt like an eternity then.

Today, I am 14 days away from my due date. That feels like insanity. I am still very much feeling a lot of the same feelings I had back in September. The same feelings I've had since Day 1 when I found out I was pregnant. I am one big juxtaposition of emotions. (Dear Lord, pleeeeeeease let me get a grip!!!)

With the holiday season quickly approaching, I'm trying to hard to be intentional about slowing down and taking things one day at a time. The holidays are tricky sometimes. I often find myself caught up in the "stress" of everything and just wishing the time would hurry up and be over. I hate that attitude. But especially now that I'm caught up in this anxiety with Cameron's due date lingering so close, I'm definitely just trying to hurry up and make things happen.

I started doing a She Reads Truth bible study this week. It's a 14 day study of the Beatitudes (Matthew 5:1-16) from Jesus' Sermon on the Mount. I know that when I spend my time praying or in thanks giving instead of stressing, worrying, or crying about things that I feel a million times better. I pray all the time and thank the Lord for his blessing of my sweet baby boy. But yet immediately after, I fall back into the pattern of being anxious and sometimes overwhelmed. Clearly, I'm not being intentional enough in my time with God. I'm not taking a deep breath and letting myself feel the comfort that ONLY HE CAN OFFER ME. Basically, I'm praying almost to check it off my list that hey, I prayed and thanked God for Cameron  today. CHECK, DONE... hmmm why don't I feel better? You know what I mean?

So Day 1 of this SRT study, helped me to slooooooow down, breathe deep, and just feel the word of God rush through me. There is literally nothing that can even come close to that feeling. Day 1 talked about how as Christians, we are the salt and light of the Earth. I'm 100% not being that lately because I am so bogged down with my feelings. It went on to say ---
"As we study this short but impactful passage at the beginning of Matthew 5, may our hearts assume a posture of gratitude toward the God who grants us His very Kingdom through the life, death, and resurrection of His Son. And as we give thanks for the blessings that are secured for us in Christ, may we be quick to scatter the knowledge of Jesus to those around us."

My job is to take this world that can often make me suffer, and make me feel inferior, and SHOW it that I will not fall for that crap. Nobody ever promised me this life would be easy - and it hasn't been easy for me. I have to remember the TRUTHs from God's word. I am not setting out to achieved blessedness from God. I AM ALREADY BLESSED through his sacrifice. Why do I so often forget that? Why am I struggling to keep that thought at the forefront of my mind?

Focusing on being thankful seems to be a struggle that I come back to constantly. I know I've talked about it on here many times, and I'm sure people in my life roll their eyes when I say I'm struggling with it again. Surrendering my SELF and allowing His grace to cover me proves to be a continual battle.

1 Chronicles 16:34 (NLT): "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His faithful love endures forever."

I should have that tattooed on my forehead, or the backs of my hands, or wherever it would take for me to see it 100 times a day.

I try to make things more complicated than they really are with my "what if's" and my over thinking. I had gotten so much better about this for a period in my life, then since I've been pregnant my worries have increased. It has to stop. Uncertainty does not come from the Lord.

I am blessed far beyond anything I deserve. My Savior lives, and He offers me redemption after redemption when I forget the real deal. He has fulfilled the desires of my heart in incredibly abundant ways in the past two years. I am about to become a mother, smack dab in the middle of this holiday season. That irony is not lost on me. God is calling me closer to him. I must surrender these anxious, fearful feelings and remember that He's got me covered. Remember that HE CHOSE ME to be Cameron's mommy, to be Lee's wife, to be Lily's stepmom, to be everything that I am right now and to be exactly where I'm supposed to be.

It's my job to try my best to live out God's word. I'm an ugly person when I focus on myself. My prayer is that this holiday season I can focus on 1 Chronicles 16:34 and be encouraged by the sweet sweet truth that is in those words. Simple as that!

Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday with your families! Within the next two weeks, I will have a precious bundle of baby boy love to share with you!!!! XOXO
 
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Thursday, November 10, 2016

Cameron Bumpdate: 37 weeks!


How far along: 37 weeks - THREE WEEKS LEFT!!!! O!!!!M!!!!G!!!!!!

Baby is the size of a: "Winter Melon" is the traditional size comparison at 37 weeks. Also, allegedly he's approximately 6.5 lbs. I'm taking the over on that one, considering he was 2 oz. shy of 6 lbs 3 weeks ago at my last ultrasound.

Skunk or tackle box size according to my Ovia Pregnancy app



 
Sleep: I feel very lucky that I've still been sleeping semi-normally. I still have to get up in the middle of the night, and changing positions has become very uncomfortable, but I'm able to go back to sleep pretty quickly when I wake up. Averaging at least 7 hours a night. Trying to enjoy that these last few weeks of sleeping!!!

Total Weight Gain: 29 lbs. My face feels very round at this point.
37w1d
Stretch Marks:  None that I can see - there are plenty areas of my body that I can't see very well right now though. Out of sight, out of mind is fine by me!

Innie or Outie:  Innie for life!!! I'm so happy I've managed to maintain my innie. I was a little freaked out by the thought of it popping out.

Symptoms: A little swelling in my hands, my rings feel tight in the evening if I don't drink enough water during the day. Emotional fatigue. Is that even a thing?? Some days I am so anxious, mixed with excited, mixed with feeling unprepared that I become overwhelmed. Some days I'm able to get out of my own head and go with the flow better. My emotional health has struggled far greater than my physical health throughout my pregnancy. Hormones are killer!
 
Movement: 100% Definite alien-like movements now! Large body parts that pop up out of my stomach. A little painful, but also the coolest thing in the world to watch happen. The feet jabs to my ribs can bring tears to my eyes. I know will miss it so so much though!!

At my 37 week doctor's visit they told me we have no progress, no dilation, nothing. A little disappointing, but then again we do still have 3 weeks to go. (of course I got upset because what doesn't make me upset right now!) They reminded me that everything can change very quickly so just focus on being healthy and relaxing until he's ready. (IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE TO RELAX AT THIS STAGE IN THE GAME???)

Miss anything?:  Not being a cry baby all the time. My emotions are HIGH right now! Anxiety mixed with baby to deliver a baby hormones are tough on a girl!
 
Maternity Clothes: Whatever fits right now is what I'm wearing! Not always looking the cutest, but flowy tunic dresses are a saving grace because I can wear them post baby too. My husband's tshirts are by far still my most favorite item of clothing.
Go-to eats: Trying to drink lots and lots of water. (Even though it makes me use the bathroom a million times a day.) It helps me fight off any little bit of heartburn, keeps swelling away and helps my skin feel moisturized.

Best moment of the week: My nesting is FULL FORCE right now. It's wonderful to have the energy to get things situated and cleaned up around the house. I sat down the other day and cleaned out all of our floor vents with q-tips. Finished all of Cameron's laundry too and put the final touches on his nursery too.
 
Gender: BOY BOY BOY!!!!

What I’m looking forward to: We are so close to seeing his sweet face in person! I can ALMOST imagine it happening. A couple of my friends who have been pregnant along side with me have had their babies and that's very surreal to know that our time is coming soon!

Milestones: Had my pre-registration appointment at the hospital this week after my 37 wk doc appointment. All registered and ready to go for when baby Cam is ready to arrive!

You can follow me on Instagram for updates as we get closer to our due date!
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Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Another Day, Another Dollar, Another Year Older

I just celebrated another birthday last week on September 18th. (For the record I started writing this post in September - yet somehow now it's October 25th and I'm just now posting it...a month later... LIFE!)

I didn't turn a milestone age or anything like that, but I would definitely say I'm coming off a record year or two. Losing my mom, Getting engaged, getting married, finding out I'm pregnant - all within a whirlwind amount of time. "Record" to me, meaning unlike any other and unable to be compared to any other. The age of 30/31 was the purest definition of a record year. I'm not sure any other year of my little life has been more significant in shaping the "adult" me.
 
It's comical to me when I look back on the past few years of my life. I just KNEW that 30 was going to be the year that changed my life forever. And I guess, in a round about sort of way, things did change a whole lot. God pushed me to lots of uncomfortable places when I was 30. I loathed the idea of being " a 30 year old", but I took solace that my life was in His hands and He was 100% guiding me where I needed to be. He taught me to learn to believe that the best things were yet to come (and they truly were). But as with any period of massive growth, there were hardships endured too. The hardest thing ever, actually, when I lost my mom in April 2015. God's timing is truly something to be in awe of though. I can only see that now, a year and half later as a I look back on how things played out.
 
My faith has played a gigantic role in molding me into this more "adult" version of myself. That's how I like to think of myself anyhow - the more adult version of who I used to be. It's ok if you know me in real life and you just literally LOLed at me calling myself an adult at all :) God changed everything for me after a traumatic breakup in 2012, and while I still think I retained pieces of my former self; I feel like a much different person than I was before that happened. And I mean that in the best way possible.

I started looking through my Instagram account (because you know, I'm so wise in my old age) to see if I could pinpoint any so-called lessons I've learned throughout the past year. Just wanted to share some of those with you today!