Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Cameron Update: 39 weeks old - AKA 9 months

Well I have to admit, reading my 39 week bumpdate this morning made me cry! (To be completely fair, making me cry is not a difficult task STILL! Hormones be damned!) That was my last pregnancy post, just two short days before my precious baby boy was welcomed into this world.
As of today, he's 39 weeks old. (I'm not really a "this many weeks old person" - so let's say he will be 9 months old on the 25th) I vividly remember being 20 weeks pregnant. The half way point! Just a few weeks after we found out he was going to be a baby boy. And now here we are, I've been back at work for 5 months and Cameron is almost 22 pounds of pure joy.
There are so many things that I want to say. So many stories I want to tell. I don't think I'm going to do a "birth story" post, but I'm sure in passing I will refer back to his birth day. I will say that I had a planned induction at 39w3d, and also ended up having to get an unplanned C-section due to complications. I have never been more anxious, terrified, excited, overwhelmed in my life!!!!! But it truly was an overall wonderful experience (thankfully), and ended up being the best day of my life when my angel baby Cameron Lee was born at 4:34 pm. He was 20.5 inches long and he weighed 8lbs. 11oz. He was within 2 oz. of the anticipated weight they told me at my last ultrasound and doc appointment just two days before he was born. I remember I was so amazed by how big he was, yet how tiny at the same time. I couldn't believe that I grew him in my belly!!!!!! Still amazes me. Probably more so now, as it feels like he literally grows bigger each passing day.
11/25/16 Cameron's Birth Day
Motherhood is so much more than I even dreamed it would be. He fills up my heart in ways that I could have never imagined possible. No one can prepare you for the way every single little thing about your baby makes your heart explode. I MADE HIM!!! I stay in awe of my child. For the first few months, I kept waiting on that feeling to fade. But nope, it just continues to grow more and more.

But don't get it twisted, motherhood is HARD!!! The first three weeks were the hardest for me. I struggled to adjust to having this baby at home that depended on me for everything. I cried to my husband when he was at work that I needed him to come home and just help me. Eventually, a few weeks in, I found my stride when Cameron started sleeping 4 hour stretches. (Sleep deprivation is NO JOKE!!!!) I agonized over the looming date that I would have to go back to work. I'm lucky that I was able to take 14 weeks off, but no amount of time would have felt like enough.

I've been back at work now for about 5 months. I spend some days counting down the hours until I get to see my sweet baby again. I still struggle with the balance of being a working mom. Some days I don't find the time to get everything done, and that's ok. (When it doesn't feel like it's ok, I remind myself that it really is ok)! I'm learning to live with that. I don't have my mom to help me navigate my first adventure in motherhood, and that creeps into my mind often. I know she would be absolutely crazy over Cameron.

But overall, I think I'm doing okay as mom! It's true what "they" tell you that babies don't keep. I have tears in my eyes right this very moment thinking about how it feels like just yesterday that tiny baby was born. I truly never realized how quickly the time passes until it was my little boy growing up before my very eyes. I try so hard to be present with him and not to take this time for granted. (again, some days I do better than others)

Isn't it crazy how our babies just take over our whole hearts?? What a blessing to be chosen as Cameron's mama!

8 months old

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Cameron Bumpdate: 39 weeks!

How far along: 39 weeks today! Going back to the doctor this afternoon for my last growth ultrasound. Scheduled to be induced on Friday, if nothing happens before then.

Baby is the size of a: Watermelon, Pumpkin! All the big round things! haha My apps say he's a little over 7 lbs. I can't wait to see what they say today at the doc.

Cat or mini skateboard according to my wonderful Ovia Pregnancy app

Sleep: Sleep has been a bit more of a struggle this past week or so. I don't feel rested at all. I'm certainly sleepy and able to fall asleep but once I wake up it's harder to shut my mind off.

Total Weight Gain: I think I'm up to 31-32 lbs now. Which puts me over my ultimate goal that I only wanted to gain 30 at the most. Oh well!

Stretch Marks:  None that I can see - there are plenty areas of my body that I can't see very well right now though. Out of sight, out of mind is fine by me!

Innie or Outie:  Innie for the winnie!

Symptoms: I'm an emotional wreck. I cry because I'm happy, I cry because I read something sad, I cry because I'm anxious, or scared. The tears feel like a constant these days. I really don't like that!!!!! Other than that, physically I'm in really good shape. I am so thankful this pregnancy has been "easy".
Movement: My big boy is still very active. It's funny now to watch his movements when he gets going, but also a little painful.

Miss anything?:  Not being constantly hot. I am sweating, or on the verge of sweating, 99% of the time. Of course we are having unseasonably warm weather for late November, but still. I can't stand it. I wish we would have a record cold snap!
Maternity Clothes: Rotating what few maternity outfits I have, and that's fine with me. Definitely ready to wear some of my normal clothes again.
Go-to eats: I'm about 50-50 on eating healthy. Not craving anything special though.

Best moment of the week: When my doctor approved me to be induced!!! I was SO happy to have an end date in sight. Of course, I have second guessed that a million times since last Friday when we scheduled it, but I am definitely ready to get this ball rolling.
Gender: BOY BOY BOY!!!!

What I’m looking forward to: Holding my baby!!!! This will be a reality in a matter of DAYS!

Milestones: I think it's a milestone to make it to 39 weeks. I have thanked God so many times that Cameron wasn't a preemie. It's definitely difficult to share your body with a growing baby, but it's such a miracle. It's so hard not to wish the time away so I can meet him face to face, but also to savor this sweet alone time that I have. It's such a personal, special experience.

You can follow me on Instagram for updates as we get closer to our due date!

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Focusing on Being Thankful

When I wrote "On Becoming a New Mommy" post back in September, the birth of my child was still 10 weeks away. Honestly, 10 weeks kiiiinnnnda felt like an eternity then.

Today, I am 14 days away from my due date. That feels like insanity. I am still very much feeling a lot of the same feelings I had back in September. The same feelings I've had since Day 1 when I found out I was pregnant. I am one big juxtaposition of emotions. (Dear Lord, pleeeeeeease let me get a grip!!!)

With the holiday season quickly approaching, I'm trying to hard to be intentional about slowing down and taking things one day at a time. The holidays are tricky sometimes. I often find myself caught up in the "stress" of everything and just wishing the time would hurry up and be over. I hate that attitude. But especially now that I'm caught up in this anxiety with Cameron's due date lingering so close, I'm definitely just trying to hurry up and make things happen.

I started doing a She Reads Truth bible study this week. It's a 14 day study of the Beatitudes (Matthew 5:1-16) from Jesus' Sermon on the Mount. I know that when I spend my time praying or in thanks giving instead of stressing, worrying, or crying about things that I feel a million times better. I pray all the time and thank the Lord for his blessing of my sweet baby boy. But yet immediately after, I fall back into the pattern of being anxious and sometimes overwhelmed. Clearly, I'm not being intentional enough in my time with God. I'm not taking a deep breath and letting myself feel the comfort that ONLY HE CAN OFFER ME. Basically, I'm praying almost to check it off my list that hey, I prayed and thanked God for Cameron  today. CHECK, DONE... hmmm why don't I feel better? You know what I mean?

So Day 1 of this SRT study, helped me to slooooooow down, breathe deep, and just feel the word of God rush through me. There is literally nothing that can even come close to that feeling. Day 1 talked about how as Christians, we are the salt and light of the Earth. I'm 100% not being that lately because I am so bogged down with my feelings. It went on to say ---
"As we study this short but impactful passage at the beginning of Matthew 5, may our hearts assume a posture of gratitude toward the God who grants us His very Kingdom through the life, death, and resurrection of His Son. And as we give thanks for the blessings that are secured for us in Christ, may we be quick to scatter the knowledge of Jesus to those around us."

My job is to take this world that can often make me suffer, and make me feel inferior, and SHOW it that I will not fall for that crap. Nobody ever promised me this life would be easy - and it hasn't been easy for me. I have to remember the TRUTHs from God's word. I am not setting out to achieved blessedness from God. I AM ALREADY BLESSED through his sacrifice. Why do I so often forget that? Why am I struggling to keep that thought at the forefront of my mind?

Focusing on being thankful seems to be a struggle that I come back to constantly. I know I've talked about it on here many times, and I'm sure people in my life roll their eyes when I say I'm struggling with it again. Surrendering my SELF and allowing His grace to cover me proves to be a continual battle.

1 Chronicles 16:34 (NLT): "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His faithful love endures forever."

I should have that tattooed on my forehead, or the backs of my hands, or wherever it would take for me to see it 100 times a day.

I try to make things more complicated than they really are with my "what if's" and my over thinking. I had gotten so much better about this for a period in my life, then since I've been pregnant my worries have increased. It has to stop. Uncertainty does not come from the Lord.

I am blessed far beyond anything I deserve. My Savior lives, and He offers me redemption after redemption when I forget the real deal. He has fulfilled the desires of my heart in incredibly abundant ways in the past two years. I am about to become a mother, smack dab in the middle of this holiday season. That irony is not lost on me. God is calling me closer to him. I must surrender these anxious, fearful feelings and remember that He's got me covered. Remember that HE CHOSE ME to be Cameron's mommy, to be Lee's wife, to be Lily's stepmom, to be everything that I am right now and to be exactly where I'm supposed to be.

It's my job to try my best to live out God's word. I'm an ugly person when I focus on myself. My prayer is that this holiday season I can focus on 1 Chronicles 16:34 and be encouraged by the sweet sweet truth that is in those words. Simple as that!

Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday with your families! Within the next two weeks, I will have a precious bundle of baby boy love to share with you!!!! XOXO

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Cameron Bumpdate: 37 weeks!

How far along: 37 weeks - THREE WEEKS LEFT!!!! O!!!!M!!!!G!!!!!!

Baby is the size of a: "Winter Melon" is the traditional size comparison at 37 weeks. Also, allegedly he's approximately 6.5 lbs. I'm taking the over on that one, considering he was 2 oz. shy of 6 lbs 3 weeks ago at my last ultrasound.

Skunk or tackle box size according to my Ovia Pregnancy app

Sleep: I feel very lucky that I've still been sleeping semi-normally. I still have to get up in the middle of the night, and changing positions has become very uncomfortable, but I'm able to go back to sleep pretty quickly when I wake up. Averaging at least 7 hours a night. Trying to enjoy that these last few weeks of sleeping!!!

Total Weight Gain: 29 lbs. My face feels very round at this point.
Stretch Marks:  None that I can see - there are plenty areas of my body that I can't see very well right now though. Out of sight, out of mind is fine by me!

Innie or Outie:  Innie for life!!! I'm so happy I've managed to maintain my innie. I was a little freaked out by the thought of it popping out.

Symptoms: A little swelling in my hands, my rings feel tight in the evening if I don't drink enough water during the day. Emotional fatigue. Is that even a thing?? Some days I am so anxious, mixed with excited, mixed with feeling unprepared that I become overwhelmed. Some days I'm able to get out of my own head and go with the flow better. My emotional health has struggled far greater than my physical health throughout my pregnancy. Hormones are killer!
Movement: 100% Definite alien-like movements now! Large body parts that pop up out of my stomach. A little painful, but also the coolest thing in the world to watch happen. The feet jabs to my ribs can bring tears to my eyes. I know will miss it so so much though!!

At my 37 week doctor's visit they told me we have no progress, no dilation, nothing. A little disappointing, but then again we do still have 3 weeks to go. (of course I got upset because what doesn't make me upset right now!) They reminded me that everything can change very quickly so just focus on being healthy and relaxing until he's ready. (IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE TO RELAX AT THIS STAGE IN THE GAME???)

Miss anything?:  Not being a cry baby all the time. My emotions are HIGH right now! Anxiety mixed with baby to deliver a baby hormones are tough on a girl!
Maternity Clothes: Whatever fits right now is what I'm wearing! Not always looking the cutest, but flowy tunic dresses are a saving grace because I can wear them post baby too. My husband's tshirts are by far still my most favorite item of clothing.
Go-to eats: Trying to drink lots and lots of water. (Even though it makes me use the bathroom a million times a day.) It helps me fight off any little bit of heartburn, keeps swelling away and helps my skin feel moisturized.

Best moment of the week: My nesting is FULL FORCE right now. It's wonderful to have the energy to get things situated and cleaned up around the house. I sat down the other day and cleaned out all of our floor vents with q-tips. Finished all of Cameron's laundry too and put the final touches on his nursery too.
Gender: BOY BOY BOY!!!!

What I’m looking forward to: We are so close to seeing his sweet face in person! I can ALMOST imagine it happening. A couple of my friends who have been pregnant along side with me have had their babies and that's very surreal to know that our time is coming soon!

Milestones: Had my pre-registration appointment at the hospital this week after my 37 wk doc appointment. All registered and ready to go for when baby Cam is ready to arrive!

You can follow me on Instagram for updates as we get closer to our due date!