Friday, September 23, 2016

Cameron Bumpdate: 30 weeks!

How far along: 30 weeks - 10 (or maybe less) to go! I remember (before I ever dreamed of getting pregnant) hearing women say they were 30 weeks along and thinking "wow almost there!". I go back and forth between that feeling and like it's still pretty far away.

Baby is the size of a: Motorcycle helmet or platypus (according to my Ovia pregnancy app). Large cabbage based on normal fruit/veggie comparisons.

Sleep: Still getting enough most of the time. Some days I feel first trimester kind of tired though so that's draining.

Total Weight Gain: 17-17.5 lbs, Doctor was happy with that amount and the distribution of my weight at my 30 week appt. I wish it was a little less, but ehhhh I can't complain since I'm not working out right now.

Stretch Marks:  None yet.

Innie or Outie:  Innie for life!

Symptoms:  Rib jabs all day, every day. Wearing a real bra is getting verrrrry uncomfortable due to said rib jabs. General body aches/pains/discomfort that come with being this far along.

Movement: He's still a mover and a shaker. My doctor said this will probably change in a couple weeks once he turns out of breach position and won't have as much range of motion.

Miss anything?:  Breathing normally. I've struggled most of the 2nd trimester with my ability to breathe - of course it's been hotter than 3 hells this summer and humid as ever- which doesn't help. Now that he's even bigger and things are even more crowded, breathing regularly is getting harder. Lots of deep breaths!
Maternity Clothes: Broke down last week and ordered some maternity clothes from Old Navy and Zulily. My favorite thing is still my husband's tshirts.

Go-to eats: I've really been trying to drink a ton of water. I can feel the dehydration if I don't get enough. Ice cream is still a favorite too haha plus it helps with my heartburn!

Best moment of the week: Hearing his heartbeat at my 30 week doc visit. Always makes me so happy to hear it!

Gender: BOY!!!

What I’m looking forward to: Seeing my sweet boy's face in few weeks at my 34 week ultrasound. I haven't seen him in like a month and I miss his face!
Milestones: I'm going to be in a wedding next weekend - at 31 weeks pregnant - and I have mixed feelings about being a pregnant bridesmaid. It's one of my oldest friends though so I am so happy to be a part of her big day. Cameron's first wedding!

Monday, September 19, 2016

On Becoming a New Mommy...

I need to word vomit, and ramble and maybe cry? Not sure about the crying - some days yes, some days no. (HORMONES!) I just need a steady stream of consciousness with how I feel - good, bad and ugly 3rd trimester edition.

Pretty sure I also just a little bit need some reassurance and someone to tell me to CHILL!! Probably that more than anything else.

But first, here's a glance at how much my baby boy has grown in the past 10 weeks! Only 10 more to go!!! I cannot believe how fast the time has flown by.
holy baby bump!
Don't say I didn't warn you...

As a soon-to-be new mommy, I am reading what feels like hundreds of articles and tidbits of information daily. There is so much information related to pregnancy and children to digest, in a very small amount of time! It can certainly feel overwhelming. (Much like being pregnant itself can feel overwhelming at times.) Every single day of this journey, I have felt thankful for this gift of my child. That being said, as we get closer to the due date of my little man I do feel anxious. The fear of the unknown is very real.
When I was in my younger-mid 20's, I said I wasn't sure if I wanted to have kids. Maybe it was who I was dating at the time and their agenda that I had adopted, but regardless I often said out loud that I wasn't really sure about the whole having kids thing.
At the age of 31 and pregnant with my first child, I would give anything to go back to being in my 20's to get this party started. However, as my husband likes to remind me, if I had started then it wouldn't have been with him and this whole story would end up looking totally different. Good point! I have to remind myself (quite a bit some days) that everything is happening exactly the way that God intended for everything to happen. More specifically, that God has already written every single day of my baby boy's life and the best part about that is? He chose ME to be Cameron's mom. He knows I can do this and I'm the only person who has what it takes to be my child's mother.

It's hard for me to fathom that I was once the girl who said she didn't want kids. Or even the fact that I was lukewarm to the idea of it all. Oh how time can change us! These days I am more than mildly obsessed with this little boy growing in my belly. My every thought revolves around him, and my time is spent trying to savor each little kick as he navigates around inside my belly. I could literally sit for hours and watch/feel him move, or watch my husband and stepdaughter talk to him or feel him move in response to them. He just has no idea how loved he is already!!

Sure, a baby changes things. Actually, a baby changes absolutely everything. It's probably going to rock my world. I think no amount of preparation could ever get us ready for his arrival. No amount of me thinking, "HOLY $HIT CAN I REALLY DO THIS?" is going to make feel more ready.

One thought lingering around my mind these days is can I really mother without my mother? I know that I am not the first person in the world to experience the birth of their first child without their mother. But sometimes that is really heavy on my heart. We take each day without my mom and we navigate what the day brings us. The milestones are hard. Planning your wedding to a man your mother never met is hard. Revealing your pregnancy to your family and remembering how much my mom wanted to have grandkids is hard. I do know for a 100% a fact that if my mom was still here, she would be driving me absolutely crazy. (Sorry mom, but you know It's the truth!) Even though she was a flawed parent (aren't we all?), my mom had 4 kids and I know I would be able to count on her right now. To talk me through things, to ease my fears, to be another family member to deeply love my child.  I think a lot of it has to do with the feelings of overwhelming love that I'm feeling and will forever feel for Cameron, as my first born child. I was my mom's first born child and she always told me how special that was - that, and the fact that I was her only girl. I wish so badly I could just talk to her right now and unload all these feelings. I know she would have a way of putting me at ease.

People tell me it's "normal" to feel the things I feel. However "normal" it can be to feel the absolute most excited, yet completely terrified about something at the very same time...

I need to step back, take a DEEEEEP breath and focus on the things I can control. My attitude, my responses to others, my actions. I am in love with growing this baby inside of my body. It's truly mind blowing and the absolute biggest blessing in this life. I do not want to take a single day for granted that I get to carry this baby and the sheer fact I am growing him in my body. It's such a miracle! I am blessed with a healthy, happy pregnancy. Sure, there are days when I feel like screaming WTF at my body or feel overwhelmed, but that's life. I've remained healthy, and my baby is healthy and growing. I can't even put into words how thankful I am for my husband. I know I've probably taken him for granted a lot lately, but he's been wonderful. Bless his heart for having to deal with me!! I choose to remain grateful in the face of fear. I have so much to be thankful for, and that's where my focus needs to be. I am guilty of letting negativity creep into my mind and control my thoughts.

Hopefully when Satan decides to quit breathing his hot summer air around me, I'll feel much better. Being 7 1/2 months pregnant in the summer is for the birds!!!!!!!! HA! I need to look into yoga or meditation. As thankful as I am for carrying this child, he sure does love to hang out right under my ribs and it hurts like crazy! Love you Cameron, but I need you to reposition yourself.

I told y'all - I'm crazy right now!!


Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Cameron Bump Date: 28 weeks!

How far along: 28 weeks - Officially in the 3rd trimester now - 12 weeks to go!

Baby is the size of a: Tropical coconut, rollerblade (according to my Ovia Pregnancy app)
Eggplant according to the typical fruit comparisons. Went to the doctor yesterday and he is still measuring a little over a week ahead of his due date. I think it's starting to feel cramped in there for my big boy!

Pink shirt is 27 weeks vs. black shirt is 28 weeks
(even though he looks bigger in the pink because I think that color just highlights the bump!)
Sleep: About the same - still getting enough most nights, but I am starting to feel more sluggish in general from carrying around some extra weight.

Total Weight Gain: 16 lbs total at 7 months pregnant. Within the "normal" range, but definitely feeling the extra weight I'm carrying around. Still thinking it's mostly belly/boobs weight gain though. (maybe wishful thinking!)

Stretch Marks:  None yet.

Innie or Outie:  I check my belly button every morning and night - still an innie!

Symptoms:  OH THE HEARTBURN!!!!!!!! Take it away, Jesus!

Luckily, no swelling yet. My back and tummy are just a little stiff/sore on a more regular basis now, but still nothing awful. I probably complain more than I should, because I have been really blessed with a healthy pregnancy. So thankful for that!

Movement: All the time. Makes me happy that he's so active. He's getting so big and running out of room that the elbow jabs are starting to get uncomfortable at times though. We are on the verge of it feeling alien-like.

Miss anything?:  I have totally slacked on working out since I've been farther along in my pregnancy. I do miss a good gym session! I'm sure it would make me feel better too if I could make it to the gym.

Maternity Clothes: Still rocking all my regular clothes. The need for maternity pants is REAL though! Even the hairband trick for my pants is wearing out it's welcome right now. Most of my bras are extremely uncomfortable at this point too. My favorite part of the day is coming home, taking my bra off and putting on my husband's t-shirts.

Go-to eats: I am really focused on trying to eat healthier this last leg of the pregnancy. 2nd trimester, I kinda  just ate whatever I wanted. I want to do better for both myself and Cameron here at the end - and for the sake of my growing waist line!

Best moment of the week: Well I had my glucose test this week so I was a nervous wreck! And I had to get my first Rhogam shot for my negative blood type... neither one of those were the best moments haha!

The best moment of the week is probably scheduling all of my doctor's appointments through my due date. Every two weeks for the next month, then every week until he gets here. It absolutely is blowing my mind that he will be here SO SOON! But it's wonderful and so exciting to think about him being here!

Gender: BOY!!!

What I’m looking forward to: Seeing my baby boy again in a couple weeks at my next ultrasound at my 32 week doctor visit. My shower is this Friday, 9/9 so I'm excited to finish the little touches in his room after that's over with.

Milestones: We put his crib and changing table in his room last weekend. Hitting the 3rd trimester is a HUGE milestone. It almost makes me sad that it's gone by so fast! But then again that means he will be here SOON!