Half Way There!

Today marks the 20 week point in my pregnancy! HALF WAY THERE!!!! If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram then it's not shocking news. Pretty sure this is the first even slightest mention of being pregnant on the blog so it might come as a little bit of a surprise for some of you though...

 

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!

I'm having a precious baby boy at the end of November!

 

There were days in the wee early weeks of this pregnancy thing that I thought these would be the longest 9 months of my life. Probably because the sickness would just never end. But here we are, smack dab in the middle of this beautiful journey. I'm no longer sick, and the days are starting to go by much faster.

 

Also, I'm basically a failed blogger since I keep making promises that I can't keep in regards to pretending like I'm going to come back and do this blogging thing again. I have no idea how I ever found the time to make it happen so frequently in years past!!!! But I did want to have some sort of documentation while I'm pregnant so I felt a post was warranted.

 

Being pregnant is just like any other life experience, meaning that you cannot fully appreciate or understand it until you go through it yourself firsthand. It's a fine line with being sensitive to friends for whom pregnancy is a painful topic, which I totally understand - but also needing to vent about these crazy, weird things happening to you! I heard friends talk about this infamous "morning sickness". (Liars. No one ever told me about all day sickness.) You hear people make jokes about how emotional pregnant  women can be. (I never realized that I would sometimes feel ALL THE EMOTIONS at once. One cannot even prepare for this because how in the hell would you be able to???) You're sick, you're exhausted, you can't drink alcohol or caffeine (even though I do have a Coke every now and then), and you're a hangry emotional roller coaster - basically you're a blast to be around! HAHA!

On a serious note, most of that stuff has calmed down quite a bit since I'm well into my 2nd trimester now. It's completely insane to think that I only have about a month left in this 2nd trimester! Now is the time when being pregnant has suddenly become very real. I felt my baby move last weekend y'all!!!! It does not get more real than that! Every single moment of sickness was absolutely worth it to feel my tiny human move inside my belly. Probably not even a full on a kick, but just a hint of a movement from him and I was sobbing. I just cannot seem to fully grasp the fact that this is MY CHILD. (Yeah yeah, I know technically he's my husband's child too, but really this little guy will be a mama's boy. I just know it!) It's THE most exciting, terrifying, humbling experience I've ever been through. And there's so much more to go through as we get closer to November.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything right now. Everybody says to take it all in because it goes by so fast. Most days I do feel overly excited. There are moments of fear, naturally. I'm trying my hardest to trust that God has me in this position to become a mother for a reason. He knows that I can handle this journey. It can be too easy - not just in being pregnant, but in any season of life - to allow ourselves to be overcome with self pity when we are lonely, or frustration when other people push their opinions on us, or even hateful for not really any good reason at all. I've had plenty of those moments that sometimes have turned into full days of emotions. The important thing for me right now is to try and remain overwhelmed with gratitude that I get to be my little boy's mama. A child is the biggest blessing! No matter how anyone else feels about it. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world these days, and I want to live out that feeling every single day.

Now help me to remember these words when I'm feeling hormonal! :)
 

 

Playing Major Catch Up

Pretty sure I'm a straight up stranger around here these days!! My blog is so outdated, it's like going back in time when I log on to Blogger and look at my draft folder. I don't have a pup anymore so I'm not even sure I can still be THE PINK GROWL - is that allowed?? I do still love pink and gold (our wedding colors!!!) so maybe that's enough to get me by for now.

Currently - I have two posts sitting as drafts about wedding planning. WELP, I got married on April 9th so that's old news now! I can't believe the last time I blogged was in December after we got engaged. Obviously, A LOT has happened since then.

Let's play a little catch up! In November I sold my house, moved in the with (then) fiancé. My house sold much faster than I anticipated and I only moved in with him temporarily to have a place to live. I had no idea in a couple weeks we would be engaged. We got engaged on December 12th after 8 months of dating and planned a wedding in 4 months. April 9th was a special date for us so I was really hoping we could pull everything together in time! The truth of the matter is, wedding planning can be stressful, it can be hard, it can drive you crazy and definitely drive you broke! BUT, it is doable on a tight budget & timeline! People told me I was crazy! I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard "wow you guys are really in a hurry!" or "it's so soon". Yes, we are aware that it's so soon, thank you for the update. It's not that we were in a hurry necessarily. But I'm 31 and he's 33, so we knew what we wanted and when we wanted it and we went for it. It's not like we just met each other either. We never wanted to be engaged for a long time, and honestly I think it was the perfect amount of time! I'm very happy with the way things turned out. And the best part is, now I have a husband!!!!

 {Photo Creds to B.Loved Images}

I look back at my old posts from last year when we started dating, and it's so exciting/crazy/overwhelming/AMAZING to see how things have happened!! All those times I was so stressed about finding the right guy, and what felt like the next step in my life. I had no idea that I would end up marrying someone I already knew (and totally had a crush on for years)! The Lord certainly works in mysterious ways, you guys! Trust me on that!!

I run into people who want to offer me marriage advice a lot. Sometimes more like comments vs. advice. And I think that's great. We all have opinions and I love an honest person who will tell it like it is. However, people can be so negative sometimes! It's disappointing actually. Haters in the grass! To be fair, I don't believe the majority of people mean any harm by it. But it can wear on your nerves when you're on Cloud 9. I don't for one second think that my marriage will be easy or a fairy tale story, but I know that I am hopeful that we will always make it work. I'd like to think that years down the road, I'm not the bitter soul giving out the negative words. I hope that I can take my experiences - even the awful, ugly, knock down drag out ones - and use them for good.

Certain parts of this journey have truly felt like a whirlwind adventure - both in good ways and some bad. Joining your life together with another person isn't always an easy transition and we have a 9 year old child involved too, so there have been some prickly moments. But you press on through the struggles when you KNOW things are right. Today, I 100% stand in a place where I can be fully thankful for all the mishaps along the way because that's how I ended up here.

So there's my two cents. Clearly, I don't have a dang clue what I'm talking about. Somehow now I'm a wife and a stepmom, when usually I can barely make it through each work day :) Such is life!

Missed all my bloggy pals!! XOXO

Tis the Season for Making Broken Things Beautiful

Where do I even begin with this post??? Well first of all, thank you all for your sweet comments on my last post before Thanksgiving. I have to admit that it ended up being a pretty good Thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family. We were all a little worried about how it might be, but in the end, we were able to celebrate each other and our blessings. The only tears shed were during the prayer before we ate when we thanked God for sending us mom to have in the first place.

So now on to Christmas! I have realized something about myself this year... I am embarrassed to say it, but I am a Christmas pessimist. I complain about the season, complain about my family situation and find myself saying "I hate Christmas!" frequently. As much as I try to be a positive person in general, Christmas gets the best of me. BUT WHY? Christmas is NOT supposed to be about me. But I am quite ashamed to admit that I am constantly trying to make it center around me.

I don't have enough money for all the gifts I want to buy

I don't have normal family relationships

I don't have time for 12 Christmas stops

I don't get enough time off work around the holidays

Selfish. Selfish. Selfish.

Christmas tends to make me feel broken. Beat down. Financially broke. Kinda ungrateful. It's ugly. I have come to expect the worst, and that's not really who I want to be. But this year, just three days before Christmas I have  renewed sense of HOPE. Hope in the fact that God is still working all around me - even on the hard days when I feel very far from him. Hope that my family can be restored. Hope that Christmas can still stand for exactly what it should always stand for - even though I try to manipulate the meaning and make it about me. Hope in GRACE!

So this morning, as my attitude was slowing shifting from Scrooge to Buddy the Elf, I had an epiphany of sorts. This IS what the Advent season is about. It's what it's ALL about! Christmas is about celebrating the ultimate gift of the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ and recognizing that He came to rescue us from this broken world. I read something a couple weeks ago over at (in)courage and it's really stuck with me. I've gone back to re-read it several times, but it wasn't until today that it truly clicked.

Christmas is the ultimate story of hope, of grace, of restoration. Isn't that just the best reminder??

My life can feel messy. When the mess feels overwhelming and heavy (which can be more times than I'd care to admit), I tend to completely forget the redemption of restoration. I tend to focus only what is weighing me down, and then I'm unable to feel God around me. Things have changed drastically for me since last Christmas. I went back to reread my Christmas post from 2014 and I laughed a little at how much things have changed. Somehow I always forget how vastly things can change just within a year's time!!

I think slowly, but surely, I am learning these lessons. But I also know eventually that even if this time of year is always a little hard on the heart for me, God's hope of restoration is always always always here. And for that, I am thankful!

Oh yeah - and in case you missed it - this Christmas I am going to be showing off some new bling!!!!! I got engaged on 12/12!! Even though it's been 10 days already, I still can't shake the excitement. I cannot wait to marry this man. I hope he knows how much I love him. Talk about the ultimate feeling of coming full circle with my journey. I can't wait to see what God has planned for us (& hopefully our family) this coming year!!

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas!! I hope you can take a moment to breathe in your blessings and recognize that is always something to be thankful for! I know I will be forcing myself to do that over the next week. XOXO

The Final Chapter in Our Story

It's just TWO days away. 4/27/13 was a date that was supposed to change my world. My wedding date. My world has absolutely changed, although in a completely different way than I originally thought. One year ago today, I was riding the engagement high and just diving into the wedding planning process. I was so wrapped up in my own little happy place that I couldn’t see the things that were beginning to unravel. I had waited almost 8 years for Skye to become my husband and there was nothing more important in this world to me. I wanted it more than I have ever wanted anything. I felt like finally my life was going to be complete and I never had a doubt that we wouldn’t make it down the aisle. One of the things he said to me when he left will always stick with me. “You just wanted to get married, not necessarily to me.” It stung that November night, and it stings now to say it out loud. For the record, I do not feel like that’s the truth. I 100% wanted to get married, 100% wanted to settle down and start our family, 100% wanted to be with him forever. To me it felt like the natural next step in our relationship. There are several reasons that I attribute to our demise, none of which either of us ever in a million years saw playing out the way they did. (at least in my opinion). Of course there is my version of events, then his version and somewhere in between lies the nitty gritty truth. Honestly, none of the He Said – She Said really matters 6 months down the road. He has moved on and I am definitely in the process of moving on and sadly there’s no looking back. It feels like years ago that I even knew him that way and that we spent our every moment together.

This verse has helped me so much over the past 6 months - it's my life quote. When in doubt, turn to Proverbs!

 

Isn’t it amazing how resilient we are? How one moment I was in literal physical pain over my heartbreak and now I am on this path of rediscovery? Time truly heals all wounds and the Lord makes things happen in our lives that will always find a way to work out for the best. I’ve always believed and said these things – especially to others during times of trial or struggle. But I had only barely experienced them. I have (and still am) learning so much about myself – about who I am vs. who I want to be and how I want others to view me. I am not that girl who wants to be seen as broken. I want to be seen as a strong girl who has been faced with a difficult situation and completely kicked it’s ass. Some days are easier than others, and you all know I am in a constant battle with emotional eating, but most of the time these days I feel good. I want to feel like myself again - I want to feel good about my body, but it all takes time. I am positive that God has blessed me with a second chance. A chance to grow closer to Him, to meet new people and surround myself with positive encouragers, to grow closer to my family, maybe an opportunity to move away, and definitely a second chance at love. But most importantly a chance to fully develop into the person HE wants me to be.

 

I know 100% for a fact that I would NOT even be close to where I am today without the support of my readers. YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING! I have made such lasting friendships and I treasure them so much! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! LOVE YOU!

 

After this weekend, I think I will be fully able to move on with my life. No more milestones to hang onto, no more looking back. There will still be tough days, it's a looooong process and I must be patient with mself, but soon things will fall into place for me. And when all else fails there's always margarita therapy!



 

In Which I Begin To Date Again...

We haven't had real talk in a minute so I thought now would be as good of a time as any. If you are new to following me then you might think my life is quite the emotional roller coaster hot mess these days. You would be pretty much accurate! I try to be honest about my feelings, and maybe if you've ever been through a similar situation then you can relate. If not then God bless your soul you are one of the lucky ones! I want to keep it real that way maybe my story can help someone else not feel alone. Feeling all the ups & downs along the way is just part of it.

Anyhow I'm starting to date again...slowly but surely. Here's the breakdown for you:

 

8 - total number of dates

4 - number of boys I've been on dates with

4- number of other boys who have asked me out but I have cancelled on them

3 - number of fireman included

2 - number of boys who have taken me on dates who I dated casually in high school 

1 - number of recurring boy toys (date numbers do NOT include him since he's a constant)

1 - number of boys who I want to go out with but my brother has refused to allow it

 

Dating is complicated ya'll! Or maybe I just make it that way. I'm a relationship kinda girl. I've been in two serious relationships in my life. One started in high school and lasted off & on for 2.5 years. Then I met Skye after being single for only a couple months and he and I jumped in head first. 7 years, 11 months and one engagement ring later we all know how that ended. I've been a single girl for almost 5 months now. It has been quite the adjustment period for me - and I'm still adjusting!

 

I'm not a good casual dater. Being in this casual relationship with this boy toy fella has really opened my eyes and sometimes it's complicated, but it's also been really a blessing in disguise for me. Typically I feel like it's a waste of time for me to entertain the idea of dating anyone who I couldn't picture myself being in a relationship with. But then again, some boys were just made to enjoy right?? I go back and forth on that concept at least weekly. I definitely feel pressure to settle down sooner rather than later. Pressure because I'm 28, pressure because Skye has had 3409374 girlfriends since we broke up, pressure because I am traditionally a relationship person and everybody knows it. I have to admit that Skye and I had a damn near perfect relationship. He was a pretty great boyfriend most of the time and he knew me so well; so I have expectations in my mind that not all boys can live up to. I'm not in any sort of rush to jump back into a relationship though so I am just trying to take my time and make the right decisions, and have a little fun along the way. I mean I have gotten a Luke Bryan concert out of this dating thing so that ain't half bad in my book!

Honestly, I have faith in God's perfect timing for me. Getting back involved in church has really helped me relax with life's timing and just not worry about what lies ahead. That includes dating and finding my perfect man.

Meanwhile I will just wait on this guy to come sweep me off my feet....
Oh HEEEEEEEEEEY Adam Levine! I saw you lookin all hot playin those drums last night on The Voice premiere!

 

MIA

 

Hi loves - I know I have been MIA for over a week now, so I just wanted to pop in and give you a bit of an explanation for my absence. There's no easy way to sugar coat it so I'm just going to spill it. Skye and I are breaking up. This decision was made on Sunday - the night I got home from Iowa- so needless to say my world has been quite the confusing place lately. It's not his fault at all, in fact it's completely mine. I'm the one to blame and my actions have caused this backlash. It's his decision to split, but it's based on me. He really has done no wrong. We are both heartbroken and trying to find ways to deal with this absolute tragedy. I plan on taking a bit of an extended absence from social media - blogging, Instagram, Facebook, maybe even Twitter until all this calms down a little bit. It's just too hard to keep up with right now when my mind is in an absolute fog.

 

I've been telling myself all the bullshit cliche things: It will get easier with time. Things will work out in the end. If it's meant to be then we will end up back together. Pinterest has offered me some helpful mantras too. But nothing can fully soothe my aching heart right now. Even though I love my readers and I truly appreciate your support - I can't bear to read your comments and feel you feeling sorry for me so I'm going turn comments off on this post. Don't feel sorry for me. Yes I'm going through a hard time, we all go through hard times. And we all come out stronger because of them. Breakups suck. Losing my absolute best friend and the person I thought I was going to marry in 5 months absolutely sucks. I pray for strength, guidance, peace - I'm just praying alot.

 

The good news is Skye and I are being very civil to make sure this will not turn into a terrible ugly breakup. My family & friends have been so supportive and amazing, checking on me each day to make sure I'm still getting up and going. Work has been a true blessing because it keeps my mind busy during the days. He moved out yesterday so I'm absolutely dreading this weekend alone. But the first weekend will be the hardest and hopefully they will get easier from there. I am throwing myself into cleaning my house from top to bottom and reorganizing everything. I am more determined than ever now to FINALLY go through with my damn master bathroom redesign. I need a change, change is good. And of course I have my precious pups to keep me sane.

 

I don't know where we go from here. I'm sure I will get back into blogging, just not sure when. I miss reading about your lives, but I just need some time to get my life back on track. Thank you to those of you who have already reached out to me asking me where I've been. I thank God for my blog friends who have been just as supportive as my real life friends!

 

Wedding Wednesday

I borrowed this lovely little checklist from Ms. Megan over at Fried Green Pickles. This Saturday will officially put us at the 6 month out countdown! I'm being honest when I say that makes me both overjoyed and terrified at the same time. Here's a little glimpse at where I stand with the planning - I should be finalizing our DJ & caterer this week. Then the only MAJOR thing left is to book our honeymoon and of course all the little details. When I hear the saying "the devil is in the details" I know that's true! All these little details will be the death of me! My face is 50 kinds of broken out and I have PMS...I do not need to be near a hot glue gun during these stressful times.

Set a date – 4/27/13

Book venue – Sequoyah Marina, Norris Lake

Book photographer – Blush Creative Photography

Book band/DJ – finalizing this soon!

Ask bridal party to be in wedding

Book caterer & bar - finalizing

Register - doing hopefully this weekend

Book florist

Brooch Bouquet

Shop for wedding dress

Book rentals

Take engagement pictures

Select bridesmaid dresses - David's Bridal

Make sure bridesmaids dresses have been ordered by the end of October/November

Select groom & groomsmen attire – selected not ordered

Find veil?

Book cake baker

Buy cake knife & server

Order save the dates – done 9/25/12

Send save the dates – in the mail on 10/13/12

Book officiant – Josh Green

Pre-marital counseling

Order guest book – N & S letters for non-traditional Guest Book

Finalize guest list

Find a reasonably priced videographer

Hotel room blocks – check on the condos at Stardust

Calligraphy - DIY!

Engagement announcement in papers

MOB & MOG dress shopping

Find wedding shoes

Bridesmaid shoes - Found, need to order

Find wedding jewelry

Order garter

Book makeup artist & hair stylist

Menu tasting

Take bridal portraits / hair & make up trial

1st dress fitting – late Feb.

2nd (final?) dress fitting

Make ceremony programs/fans

Figure out where we want to do first look

Figure out where I'm getting ready & where Skye is getting ready

Who will set up ceremony chairs? - venue staff

Order invitations

Address invitations

Mail invitations – late Feb/early March

Book rehearsal dinner venue

Book RD caterer

Book RD rentals

Book RD music

Buy RD dress

Order pom poms for send off

Order koozies for favors

Buy bridal party gifts

Bachelorette party - St. Patty's Weekend 3/16/13

Bridal shower

Purchase wedding bands

Create wedding day timeline

Put together picture list for photographer

DIY signs for Sequoyah Rd. and venue

DIY signs for reserved seating & seat yourself

Get marriage license - March

Book transportation from reception to hotel

Book honeymoon - narrowing down options

Get passports made

RD invitations

RD groom's cake

Final vendor payments

Music selections to band and ceremony artist

Book wedding night hotel room

Order thank you notes

Wedding announcement in papers

EAT, DRINK & GET MARRIED!

 

I had a wonderful meeting with my "wedding coordinator" of sorts last night at our venue. This is what it looked like at sunset...no filter. I HOPE & PRAY for a gorgeous day for our wedding! It definitely renewed my excitement!

And here is where I'm about to get all emotional on you...

Skye and I are a "good time" couple. We joke a lot, drink party and like to have fun. I think a lot of people don't get to see our sweet side as a couple. Everyone loves Skye - he's very lovable and funny, but not everyone gets to see how sweet he can be to me with a little kiss on my forehead or sitting through Harry Potter movies with me. I want our wedding to be a blast. I want people to say they had the time of their lives at our special day. However, I'm also starting to think that I want to get some emotions involved. I'm not an overly outward emotional person. I found these vows on Pinterest and I cried. This is what I want!

Source: Arianna Dicus via http://weddingdaypin.com/?p=42623

Now I have the bright idea for us to write our own vows. Originally I did not want to do this because I knew I would cry...but I'm thinking it would add a special emotional touch. I can't tell if it's my hormones pushing me to make this decision or the sane me? Did you write your own vows - why or why not? I need help with this decision!

Oh, How Pinteresting!

My days are consumed with wedding brain... Our engagement pictures are in 4 weeks and I'm obsessed with looking at engagement portraits online. Every night I search out the best pictures. Here are some of my favorites, among other random tid bits. {You can find me here on Pinterest, if you want to follow along with all the wedding pinning madness.}

I like sweet photos, but nothing too kissy kissy. I like more fun, laughy style pictures. My photographer is Stephanie with Blush Creative Photography. I'm SO excited to work with her and see what we come up with!

Source: Caitie via flickr.com

Source: Ashley Sommer via http://wheresmyredneckromeo.tumblr.com/post/26388684681

source: Julia Iannucci via imgfave.com

Source: Gina Siffri via merrymarry.me

Source Kelly Rabb via davidpascolla.com

Source: Ashley MacKay via http://ashleymackayphotography.blogspot.com/

Source: Moe Unroe via http://www.momentjunkie.com/

By the way y'all, if you haven't ever heard of Moment Junkie - then you need to check it out! If you love wedding photos then you will adore this site. They capture random shots from weddings that make you laugh out loud or tear up. I love this site! I use it all the time as inspiration for ideas for my wedding photos.

Insta{LOVE} Weekend Recap

I feel like I must put in the typical Monday sentence that "my weekend went by too fast"! I was so busy this weekend that it just disappeared. I had a baby shower, a birthday party, a wedding venue visit, and I still had to find time to do my regular house cleaning, etc. I did manage to find 2 relaxing hours to sit outside in the sun on the gorgeous 75 degree sunny day and finish The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest - FINALLY! I'm a really fast reader and I cannot believe how long it took me to read this book! Now I can move on to 50 Shades! I sure did eat everything that crossed my path this weekend so you better believe that I am going to detox myself this week. Self control engaged. Why is it that sometimes it's so hard and other times it's not? Especially the first week after your (over)indulge yourself! Wish me luck.

 

First up, I have some lovely new buttons for June over on my Sponsors sidebar so please check these ladies out! sophistifunk  Sami's Shenanigans  My Life My Way  Fancy This  Simply Sarah  MessyDirtyHair Plus, all my reoccurring favorites are still there too, don't forget to show them love!

I can't believe how blessed my life has been lately! Planning this wedding just makes me feel like such a lucky duck! And on top of that I won TWO giveaways last week! Well one of them I won a couple weeks ago, but I received my package this weekend. Remember when I told you here that I won the MessyDirtyHair Moroccan oil hair products giveaway??? I was jumping up and down Saturday when I got home from the baby shower to find this package waiting on me. {See below for the pic of all my loot.} I used the spray on my hair yesterday & today and it makes it so smooth and soft. I can't wait to tell you about all the products! THEN, I also found out that I won a giveaway hosted by 5ohWifey (remember her from her guest post?) for free medium ad space on Jordann's blog at Makin Memories of Us. So check out Jordann's blog and my cute little button on her sidebar.

I went to my good friend's baby shower Saturday, and we had MagPies cupcakes. Delish! I think MagPies is just a local store though.

Giveaway goodies that I won from Kelly at MessyDirtyHair. I will be reviewing this products in the near future!

Went out Friday night for my good friend's birthday. We went to a little tiki bar on the lake. It was actually freezing out! Sorry for the horrible picture quality!

Potential Wedding Venue #?? I lost count! Tellico Yacht Club. I adore this view. The dock pictured here is where we would actually have the ceremony. I'm pretty sure we have a winner! Plus, this is very close to the spot where we got engaged so it just feels right to me.

Took my girl with me to run some errands last night. She's usually all over the car and sticks her face right up in the air vents. However, I seemed to capture her here in a moment of rest.

Hope you had a great weekend too! Is it bad that I'm already looking forward to the next one? There I go again just wishing my life away.