Tuesday, May 8, 2012

{Listable Life} 5 Things That Drive Me Nuts About Myself

When I saw the prompt for this week's Listable Life I had to link up with Nicole! As weird as it sounds, I've been thinking about doing a post like this recently. However I didn't know how to do it without sounding like an idiot - enter Listable Life and here you go! Link up & complain away about yourself! Sometimes we all need to vent, especially about ourselves, right?

5 Things that Drive Me Nuts About Myself:
1. I'm too hard on myself. I know it, I can admit it, but I just can't seem to change it. I think we are all hard on ourselves to some extent. I seem to  especially target my physical features when playing the self-harassment game. I hate my nose, especially from a side view. I broke it 3x when I was younger so it's all jacked up. I've extensively considered having a nose job, but I've heard the recovery is awful - remember Alexis recently on Real Housewives of OC? I'm a big wuss so the pain really deters me. That's just one example of how I talk myself into feeling bad about silly things. Chubby thighs, breakouts and weird eyebrows are other areas where I can scrutinize myself.
2. I am obsessive about being early. I have complete freakouts if I arrive somewhere on time, which to me is late. I always aim to be at least 15 minutes early - granted, this usually leaves me waiting on others but I'm ok with that. If I hit traffic in the mornings on the way to work then my brain starts worrying overtime about being late. This leads to road rage, which is just not safe.
3. I cannot hide my feelings with my facial expressions. I've been told this many times that you can tell the way I'm feeling based on my facial expression or body language. I'm a very blunt straight forward person, so I guess this isn't necessarily a bad thing. However, it has gotten me in hot water at work and in awkward situations. I'm just not a fake person - If I don't like you then you know it so I have a hard time faking being ok if I'm not.
4. I am developing anxiety problems. And I am physically manifesting them. Within the past 2 years or so, I have noticed myself getting an anxious feeling in certain situations. When I get this uncomfortable/anxious feeling I begin to get hivey-like red splotches on my neck and chest. It doesn't hurt, it just looks funny. Like a flushed face when you get embarrassed, it soon goes away. It really makes me feel self conscious though - anyone else struggled with this problem and overcome it?

5. I'm a grudge holder. I have actually made a significant effort to work on this ugly habit. I'd like to tell you that maybe it's gotten better, but I can't say that with 100% certainty. I'm fiercely loyal to those who deserve my loyalty. The instant that someone betrays my trust, I want to forever cut them off. I have an uncanny ability to just walk away from people who hurt me and never look back. I know it's awful, but it's true. I really want to make an effort not to take some things so seriously and work on this in the future though. I feel like being mad at someone forever only hurts me, not them.

Basically I think we can chalk up all my annoying habits to having control issues. Hmmmm....image that!! You know I'm a work in progress - Love me anyhow?? :) So obviously I need some advice on how to become more of a laid back person! To all my other Type A personality freaks out there - what do you do to help yourself be ok with not being in control all the time?


Nicole @MTDLBlog said...

I'm with you on the early thing. It's gotten harder with the kids but I still usually make it on time at least ;-) I am also very expressive - it's hard to hide when I'm ticked. When I was teaching, all I had to do was give a student a stare down. No words necessary and they were in line. That, my friend was talent. I kind of reveled in it really. ;-)

You should really stop being so hard on yourself by the way. You're gorgeous!

Sarah said...

On time is late to me too! And yeah the road rage that ensues? I turn into a monster!

Anonymous said...

I have the same issue with being late. It causes me to get anxious and pushy when I am trying to get my husband out the door! I always want to be at least 10 minutes early! And I agree with Nicole, you are goregeous, but I know from personal experience it's hard not to be critical of our own physical appearance. xoxo

KTB @KTBwaterski said...

I wish wish wish I could be a person who was on time. And when it is IMPORTANT, I am on time. And even a few mins early. Otherwise, forget it. No matter how hard I try, I cannot be on time. I'm going to chalk it up to growing up in Miami and running on Cuban time. Haven't quite been able to shake it. And I have turned into anxiety central! And it sucks. I am a super social person, but if I have to get dressed to go out on a weekend, forget it. Sweats and stay home b/c I hate what my body has become. And sitting on the couch drinking and eating fatty food is totally the solution, right?

Elisabeth said...

love this idea for a post - and at least being early is better than always being late? and i've been working on hiding my feelings, but i wonder if thats even a good thing - at least your real right?

poptartyogini said...

I hear you on the anxiety and control issues. I freak out if I have an idea of how something is going to go and plans get changed. I've cried before. I'm trying to be able to go with the flow. Maybe we can work on it together?!

Cherished Events said...

This could have been my list! Especially being on time and the splotchy thing. You are not I wish I had the answer for both of us on how to make it go away..ugh.

Anonymous said...

I clearly have no advice on being more laid back. I could probably write a book on being a keyed-up screwjob.

And I'd like the answer to the red splotchiness. Oh, my lord, do I splotchy with the best of them.

Taylor said...

I am the worst grudge holder. I am fiercely loyal and expect the same in return (which may be my problem). I take everything to heart and let things bother me that probably shouldn't. I don't know how to fix this. I, too, have no problem walking away from a friendship that is broken on trust or even something probably more trivial like who gets the bigger bedroom (roommate situation). It's terrible! I wish I could fix it. I guess I feel like I put my whole heart out there and expect to receive someone's whole heart to in the friendship. My expectations for people are too high (obviously). ;)
PS..I am also too hard on myself. I think we all have those feelings (especially girls and I say that only because I've never met a man to confess to it although they probably think it too). I wear a really good poker face but if I want you to know I'm pissed, you'll see it. I'm not afraid of showing it. And I only wish I could be more blunt about things. I think it'd make my life a whole lot easier sometimes. ;) And as I've gotten older, anxiety at night is becoming to be a problem. I can no longer have anything with caffeine in it unless I want my brain to go round and round all night long. Great post, girl! I love your honesty! We love you for who you are! :)

jess said...

Oh my gosh, girl -- I totally understand about the road rage, grudge holding, being your own worst critic, and showing what I really think on my face. I just have to remember, every single day, to take a deep breath and ask myself 'is it worth all this trouble?' Most of the time the answer is no. :)

Cami said...

Ahhaha. I feel you on a lot of them.
My facial expressions are a DEAD GIVEAWAY post of the time. Oops.
Sorry about your anxiety problems :( Hugs. I get it to the point, when I'm driving still from a car accident, that I get short of breath. Sigh. <3

Makaila said...

I hold grudges too sometimes.. I saw the pin above, and it is SO TRUE! But. Try not to be so hard on yourself chica! Life is just a journey.. we learn along the way. :)