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Thursday, March 6, 2014

Yet Another Post about Being Single...

If you are an internet addict, like myself, then no doubt you've seen all the buzzfeed/blogposts/funny lists about being single. Reasons why it's awesome, reasons why it sucks, things single people are sick of hearing, etc. I am also constantly reading other blog posts about singledom. It's just good perspective. Since I've been single for 16 months now, I consider myself practically an expert in the field. I just wanted to share my own perspective on the subject.
 
Reasons Why Being Single Is Awesome:
1. I am independent. I thought I was independent before, I had actually said those words. HECK NO! I relied on my ex for every.single.thing. He completely took care of me and spoiled me rotten. Now? I fix things by myself, I rearranged all my living room furniture on my own, I handle every detail of my household, I buy my own Coach, I am hardly even scared of the dark anymore and somehow I make it ALL work. It's a pretty cool feeling.
 
2. My money is MY MONEY. I am not ashamed to admit that I am selfish with sharing my money. It was a huge adjustment for me when Skye and I moved in together to share my money with him. And honestly, I hated it. I was a saver and he was a spender. I struggled with it a lot throughout our relationship. There were plenty of times that being in a two income household benefited me (hello no budget status!), but usually it stressed me out. Sometimes I still get stressed out about money, but the thing now is I directly control every penny earned and spent. Obviously a control freak like myself loves that.
 
3. I have lived and learned. Nobody wants to go through a breakup. I sure didn't. But I can guarantee you that anyone who has ever gone through a real heartbreak has made some changes in their life. You suffer, you push yourself, you grow, you surround yourself with new people and try new things. It's an incredible life experience that prepares you for the next season. I never wanted to stay single for this long, but I'm really thankful I have made the choices along the way that have kept me in this place of stretching myself. This time on my own has allowed me to evaluate the kind of spouse that I want to be to someone. And I don't think I was ready for that before.
 
Reasons Why Being Single Sucks:
1. After a point, you start to feel like there is something wrong with you. When all the guys I've gone out with get into relationships, I question why I am still single. When my die hard single girlfriends partner up, I doubt myself. (Think Samantha from Sex in the City when she started dating Smith)  It's easy to say WHY ME? But honestly, I've made the choice to be single. I could've had a boyfriend or two by now, but I didn't want to settle. And there's nothing wrong with not wanting to settle.

2. Creepers. Weird men love me! I can't even tell you how many random dudes send me Facebook messages or Twitter DMs trying to chat me up. Truthfully, I've entertained some of them because a cute guy is a cute guy. (and I've probably been a little creepy hitting on people before too) But I'm more so talking about the sketchy left field guys that randomly tell you how pretty you are. a) you've never seen me in person buddy    b) I do not want to be your cyber girlfriend. BYE!
 
3. Putting on a happy go lucky front can get exhausting. My heart has softened so much and it's definitely no longer black. I try to stay positive about my status. It can get old playing the dating games. I still think being single requires a bit of a thick skin. You can get your hopes up after a first date just to never go out with a guy again. I've probably hurt a couple feelings myself along the way. You can't help but over analyze all the details of your dates sometimes. Right now I'm in a situation where I've kinda been talking back and forth with a guy - pretty casual - but we haven't been out on an actual date yet. I get excited sometimes because I like him, but if he hasn't asked me out on a date after a few weeks of talking then what's the deal, right? Being tough can get old, and I just want to meet my "you know when you know" already! But a positive attitude will really  help carry you through this time.

Things I'm Sick of Hearing:
1. Why are you single? I realize that I'm a decent catch. Yeah I said it, and that's because I believe it. I'm not the prettiest girl on the block, but I feel I have a lot to offer. But when people ask me the question of why am I single, I tend to take it negatively vs. as a compliment. Let just clear this up for you... anyone who is single, is probably in that position because they are sick of making the wrong choices and have decided to take control of things in their life (in some form or another). Not that I don't need to hear reassurance sometimes, but there's a fine line with how things are said.
 
2. Do you ever think you and your ex will get back together? This is definitely a question that I get asked on a more than I'd like to hear basis. Maybe I'm surrounded by hopeless romantics?? The answer is no. I know "never say never" and all that jazz, but I'm pretty confident that hell would freeze over before we would end up back together. Mind you I chased after him and essentially begged him to stay and marry me. But at that point in my life, I felt like I was nothing without him. If you only knew me in real life, you would know how much I have changed and grown since that scared little girl who found herself dumped back in November 2012. And once you experience that kind of exponential growth, there's just no turning back.
 
3. Guys are jerks. It is surely a proven fact by now that some guys are indeed jerks. But so are some girls. (myself included in some cases) Not all guys are jerks - I've tried to convince you of that before. I still whole heartedly believe in THE ONE. This mythical little unicorn of mine is out there somewhere just waiting to run off into the sunset with me. But seriously, God has this incredible man for me. I can feel it. And ladies just a word of advice...THE ONE will not just text you when he is drunk. He will having zero reservations about falling completely in love with you. He will share your core beliefs. He will not push you to have sex...he might even be one of those rare breeds who wants to wait until you're married to go all the way. He will pursue you.
 
Here are some other lists that I found particularly entertaining:
  Photobucket

23 comments:

Amanda Elizabeth - Meet @ the Barre said...

Girl I was literally single for my entire life before Mark creep into this little world of mine. I 100% agree your money is your money and the best thing I ever did was save like crazy and invest....there is no better feeling then not needing to relay on anyone for financial freedom. Get a good financial planner and sock it away. (It always allows you for those few good splurges here and there with absolutely no guilt) xoxoxoxo

Elle Sees said...

loved reading this and validating my own feelings that i have about singledom!

Duh! Danae said...

creepers love you when you're not single as well haha I had a man in uniform give me his number the other day so I gave it to Billy. It was fun.

Kim Wanders said...

I was single for four years before I met my bf (who I've now been with for four years) and I went out with so many guys (well not SO many) but I let myself be taken advantage of when they obviously didn't want to be in a real relationship with me and made excuses for their bad behavior. Makes me so mad to think about how I was! So I think it's really awesome that you know who you are and what you want and your not willing to settle! I know it's so cliché but I really did meet my boyfriend at a time where I was like - I'm done with boys!!

P!nky said...

What a great great post Nikki. I connected with every single point in your post. You speak the truth and with such wit. Keep standing proud and being strong of who you are, because you are awesome.

I remember my single days, wondering where my mister right was and it is exhausting. Now that I'm on the other side, I try so HARD to say the right things to my single friends, because I know there are things they are so tired of hearing. But I ALSO KNOW, HE IS OUT THERE and timing is everything.

I continue to think you are one of the strongest women out there and love how you rock it in your life.

<3 sweet girl!

Wine and Summer said...

Ugh creepers! I swear I attract every weirdo within a ten mile radius no matter where I am!

Kerry @ Till Then Smile Often said...

I get so many creepers I feel like a creep magnet. I know the right guy is out there for both of us. Hopefully we find them sooner rather than later!

Amanda aka Manda said...

I agree with ALL of these! Especially- 1: feeling like something is wrong with you, 2: attracting creepers (hello nashville was a prime example haha), and 3: hearing the why are you single question.

Reading this definitely made me feel less alone in my thoughts/feelings.

And He will send you an AMAZING man!! ;o)

Hallie Oceanside said...

First off I love that you started with the positives. One thing you forgot to mention is how much you have GROWN in to yourself, at least what I've seen. I've seen you grow WILDLY through your single experience and it has made you even more beautiful than you were before:)


annnnnd, I attract weirdos too. Don't feel down, it's a "gift" ;)


Stephanie said...

Ugh the 'why are you single' always drove me crazy. It always made me roll my eyes and stop talking to whoever said it.

TheTinyHeart said...

Oh yes, the money thing is something I miss about being single. My hubby and I are opposites when it comes to this topic!

-Sharon
The Tiny Heart

Erin @ Keep Calm and Sparkle said...

I will try to keep my creppy stalking to a minimum. LOL

On a serious note - you are rocking the single life sister. You are finding yourself and soo many ladies don't get to do that!! A little Erin Fact - I haven't been single since I was 18 - I went from one serious relationship to the one with Trav. As you know we have struggled in the past and I honestly think it's b/c I was finding my adult self and in a marriage that just sometimes doesn't work. I am all about "everything happens for a reason" and timing Mr Right will come along and sweep your sweet little southern ass off your feet and I can't wait to sit back and watch it all happen!!

LOVES YOU!

Joey said...

I don't have anything useful to say. But I really liked this post. And I really like you. The end.

Amanda - Voyage of the MeeMee said...

"Why are you single?" Is the WORST. I mean, why does there even have to be a specific reason?!

Rachel Sedaker said...

I got a lot of "why are you single" at my high school reunion when I was 27. At that time, I had still never even been on a date with a guy (I guess you could say I was a very late bloomer). I've been thinking a bit about blogging on this topic some time this month. I can't agree with you more. I got really annoyed with a friend last week when she texted me at work to bitch about some app for guys to text their SO's. She clearly had this very negative view of men, and I just wanted to tell her "they're not all jerks." There are plenty of non-jerks out there- you just have to find the one that's right for you (and try not to be a jerk to the wrong ones). I think it's best to remain optimistic.

B said...

A.M.E.N. Just a-freaking men!! esp to how hard it is being tough and every. single. one. of those things you're sick of hearing . if i knew why i was single you think id still be single!? um yes that makes me feel like something is wrong w me!

Micah said...

I so agree with you on all of these. Especially that last one. After recent events, I've had a few friends say, "well, that's how all guys are. You just have to learn to deal with it." No ... no I will not put up with bullshit. And no not all guys are like that, and I will prove it. Someday.

Lindsey Peterson said...

Yes! Every single one of these has gone through my head. Especially the creepers and the money one. I can't imagine having to share my money with anyone! haha And I swear if one more person asks me why I'm single......

Krysten Gautreaux said...

I remember when I was going through my divorce and living alone for the first time in years how FREE I felt. Free. Sure, sometimes I was sad or lonely but mostly I loved the time with myself.

But yeah.... being single sucks sometimes too.

Jackie said...

how am I just seeing this?!

Oh wait, we have this conversation ALL THE DAMN TIME.

I am just tired of coming home to an empty apartment. I love my dog and all but he doesn't talk back and ask me about my day :(

Fran @ Sassy Southern Bride said...

I was nodding my head to everything in this post!!

Holly said...

This is a great post. I've hardly ever been single - not that I was a total boyfriend jumper or didn't spend time being single - but I'll admit that if I wasn't attached, I had someone I was chasing or chasing me. This is great insight to what it's like being single at a time when a lot of our friends are partnering up. You are a great catch and will be for the right person. You have a great outlook on this single thing, even if it's not all the time. And I feel you on sharing money. That is a huge adjustment and its one thing that's great about my marriage. Shawn and I share money, but we also have our own bank accounts to with our extra money as we see fit.

Janna Renee said...

Just so you know, there are ALWAYS annoying questions/statements that people inundate you with. Once you get engaged, it's 'when's the date', once you get married, it's 'when's the baby', and the list goes on and on. I still find the whole 'Guys are jerks' statement annoying too. Every guy can be a jerk with the wrong girl, and thusly, he can also be prince charming with the RIGHT girl. Fairytales do come true. I promise.