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Thursday, June 26, 2014

On Following Your Heart

Well I know everybody wants to know what the deal is with me and the so called future boyfriend that I mentioned about a month ago. It is with some sadness that I report back to you with news of our "breakup". He is a fantastic man. He goes to church on Sundays (he even came with me to my church), he's so good looking, we have so much in common, but I had to break it off with him. I've re-written this post probably 100x in the past week or so, because honestly there's just not an easy way to say why. And let me just be clear and say it definitely was NOT what I wanted to do.
 
I know this might sound crazy to some people, the reason I ended it was because he wasn't at a point of being able to be the spiritual leader in our relationship. This is a new concept to me too - considering I've never been in a relationship where we put God first. It's not easy. And men who love God on more than just a go to church on Sundays kind of way, are hard to find. (They do exist though). But this is an area where I can't settle. I've gotten so many mixed responses from people in my life who just don't understand. "Why can't you be a catalyst to help him grow closer to God?" has been a common response when I tell people this situation. And I get that, I really truly do. I love talking with people about my story and my faith and all the truly incredible ways God has worked through me and changed me. But as far as being in a serious relationship with someone, where we are looking to settle down, raise kids and navigate life together - I just know that God has a different plan for me. I know that he has someone for me who is completely ready and willing to play the role of a spiritual leader, and someone who is truly a Godly man.
 
That's not an easy conversation to have with someone. And honestly I felt judgey towards him. I understand the point that he's at, because I've been there. I can't do work on his heart that the Holy Spirit is only able to do. It's a difficult crossroads to be faced with a decision that I don't personally want to execute. I TOTALLY wanted to date him, but I continued to feel convicted and felt like I needed to really pray about my decision to make things official. And ladies, let me just tell you that when you REALLY get serious about praying over a relationship and asking God to show you His way - you better mean it. Over a period of about 2 weeks, I was blown away by how God answered my prayers. Pretty much daily during that time period, I was given my answer. And each day it still wasn't the answer I wanted. I was reminded about God's perfect timing for my life, about trusting in Him, about the type of man that He wants for me. There was no way for me to deny the feedback I was receiving.
It seems silly to even say it out loud. But I stand firm on the fact that my relationship with God is number one in my life. And if I am going to say I want to try to live like Jesus then I really need to be intentional about doing that. If I'm dating a guy who doesn't have the same priorities as me, and who isn't as invested in his faith as I am, then eventually it would wear on me or on our relationship. "Future boyfriend" and I discussed the future a lot in our breakup chat(s) - we had to have two of them because it was a little difficult - and it could very well be God's will to bring us back together again. But in this moment, we both recognize that things just aren't the way they need to be.
 
It reminded me that dating can be tough - especially when you are genuine about trying to find a life partner. I'm not looking to hook up with a guy, or date him for a couple months until somebody better comes along - I am so through with all of those things that could never begin to fulfill my heart. Being single has been a little bit of a roller coaster for me. Some days I hate it and I don't feel good enough, but some days I love the freedom. Mostly, I know that I was meant to have this season in my life. If I had gone through with marrying a man who didn't love God last year, then who knows where I would be right now. Probably not where I am. And if God wants me to be single a little bit longer - to prepare me, to help others, to share my story - then I'll gladly do it.
 
Lauren DeMoss @ thefulltimegirl is an awesome resource for single women who seek Jesus
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23 comments:

P!nky said...

You have incredible faith, sweet lady and I'm so inspired by and proud of you. It's tough, really really tough when you realize that someone you care about isn't there spiritually.

It was something my husband and I had long, long talks about and I had to tell him, I was willing to walk away [when we were dating] if he didn't think he could get to a place similar to my spiritually. TRUST ME, i know we are all different, but faith wasn't a priority for him, before we started dating but now it is.

Our relationship is different than what I had imagined, but God worked on his heart and we in such a great place.

I'm saying a prayer for your future husband, whoever that may be.

Ashley Robyn said...

I love how much peace you have found over the year with your past and your relationship with Him. You will be so thankful that you waited for His timing because it will happen when he knows that you are ready. Breakups are definitely not fun but I am just so proud of you for recognizing it early and leading yourself towards what is best for you.

MommyMandy Musings said...

So sorry friend:( But good for you sticking with your beliefs!!

Rachel S. said...

I think it is awesome that you are sticking with your beliefs. You will find the right person for you when the time is right!

Stephy Lee Photography said...

You are incredible! I am glad you are doing what you feel is right instead of continuing something in hopes that it will end up where you want it to be. God has a plan for you. :)

Tami said...

I know that wasn't easy but proud of you for sticking with what you knew God was calling you to do! Definitely not easy but the benefits are worth it!

holli said...

Its pretty incredible how GOD talks to you clearly when you ask him and truly open to listening.
Many years ago before my husband, I was dating this one guy for a little over a year. One day after lunch, he dropped me off at my house and he wasn't gone 10 minutes when God told me to walk away now and he wasn't the one that God meant for me. I actually picked up the phone right then and broke up with him. Many people wouldn't understand but its Ok- i'm happier to obey to who it matters. Very Proud of you!

Brianne said...

Good for you! I am impressed by your will to stick by what you know you want & need out of a relationship. Many girls, myself included, would stick with a relationship for far too long hoping it would turn into what they had been looking for rather than just finding the relationship they want/need.

Pamela said...

Oh this is awesome, Nikki! I just love you & your heart!! What you did was difficult, but you are doing what God wants you to do! That's all you can do & that's really all we should do!

Erin @ Happily Obsessed said...

Why this may be sad news and you are upset about it, I am so so so proud of you for knowing what you want and need and standing up for that!! You have such an amazing heart!!

Kerry @ Till Then Smile Often said...

Sorry it didn't work out but I know you will find the right fit for you.

chantal marie said...

I have been single for 9 mos and I can say that dating is brutal. It is really really hard. Good for you for following your heart. Walking away from someone you like and want to date is so so difficult. Good for you for trusting God so deeply.

Tracy said...

You so inspire me, gorgeous girl!!! You are so much stronger than I was (we had 3 "break up" conversations - in the course of months, arg) but YES, isn't it amazing coming out of it know that was the best decision??

God has big, big plans for you my friend, I just KNOW it!!

Love ya :)

Amy said...

You have nooooooo idea how much I relate to this post. I am SO SO SO proud of you. I know it's NOT easy to walk away from something, even when you know it's not God's best.

It's been the biggest blessing watching your journey with Jesus. It reminds me so much of my own, and I can't wait to see what He has in store for both of our lives. Love you girl!!

Amy @ Living n Learning said...

Knowing what you want, need, and expect out of a relationship and sticking to it regardless of who you're going to have to let go because they don't fit into that takes incredible strength and faith. I'll pray for you that the right man comes into your life at the right time in both his life and yours.

P.S. I once again am reminded that I have not shared any of my own dating stories. Ugh I need to get it together! :)

callie ;) said...

this post was wonderful. you will find exactly the person god has in mind for you - in HIS time! waiting on the lord is hard, but it is so worth it. sending lots of love to you, twinnie! xo

Joey said...

First of all--you are so brave for sharing this story knowing SO MANY PEOPLE won't understand it. I was that girl asking the same question you got back in the day. I had a roommate who was dating a friend of mine--and they broke things off for that reason. Oddly enough, she went down the rabbit hole and he grew into such a godly man--and married a girl, and he is now the spiritual leader in his family that my roommate so badly needed (and didn't get). It's a Christian belief--to have the man of the house be the spiritual leader, so a lot of people who aren't immersed in the word don't even know that. And that's okay. I'm lucky enough to have married a man who is--but it wasn't a priority for me when we were dating (funny, how that works out). I'm proud of you for sticking to your guns, friend. Love you.

Amanda aka Manda said...

It takes incredible faith and incredible courage to do what you did lady! I'm so proud of you for continue to follow your heart and God's path for you! He's doing great things in you and for you! I know that one day He will lead you to the man you need!

Amanda aka Manda said...

Ps: you inspire me so much and in so many ways!

Kate said...

I can't even begin to tell you how much I love this post. I really struggle with praying for the right things, but God always does have a way. Would love to chat sometime about praying for the "right" things, if you're interested! xo

Southern Sass said...

Great post and so inspiring! Dating can be so difficult.

Jill @ Bluegrass Belle said...

Women everywhere need to read your post. Even if they aren't at the same place you are, and considering relationships from a spiritual and God-fearing aspect, they still need to know - do not settle. I am proud of you lady :)

Emmy Hornburg said...

You do what you need to do and what's right for YOU. Having a guy who is a strong Christian is a non-negotiable for me. I know for some people it isn't, and that's okay. But for me, I know that's what I need. We shouldn't settle. It sucks sometimes and it can be painful. But you go!