It's just TWO days away. 4/27/13 was a date that was supposed to change my world. My wedding date. My world has absolutely changed, although in a completely different way than I originally thought. One year ago today, I was riding the engagement high and just diving into the wedding planning process. I was so wrapped up in my own little happy place that I couldn’t see the things that were beginning to unravel. I had waited almost 8 years for Skye to become my husband and there was nothing more important in this world to me. I wanted it more than I have ever wanted anything. I felt like finally my life was going to be complete and I never had a doubt that we wouldn’t make it down the aisle. One of the things he said to me when he left will always stick with me. “You just wanted to get married, not necessarily to me.” It stung that November night, and it stings now to say it out loud. For the record, I do not feel like that’s the truth. I 100% wanted to get married, 100% wanted to settle down and start our family, 100% wanted to be with him forever. To me it felt like the natural next step in our relationship. There are several reasons that I attribute to our demise, none of which either of us ever in a million years saw playing out the way they did. (at least in my opinion). Of course there is my version of events, then his version and somewhere in between lies the nitty gritty truth. Honestly, none of the He Said – She Said really matters 6 months down the road. He has moved on and I am definitely in the process of moving on and sadly there’s no looking back. It feels like years ago that I even knew him that way and that we spent our every moment together.
|This verse has helped me so much over the past 6 months - it's my life quote. When in doubt, turn to Proverbs!|
Isn’t it amazing how resilient we are? How one moment I was in literal physical pain over my heartbreak and now I am on this path of rediscovery? Time truly heals all wounds and the Lord makes things happen in our lives that will always find a way to work out for the best. I’ve always believed and said these things – especially to others during times of trial or struggle. But I had only barely experienced them. I have (and still am) learning so much about myself – about who I am vs. who I want to be and how I want others to view me. I am not that girl who wants to be seen as broken. I want to be seen as a strong girl who has been faced with a difficult situation and completely kicked it’s ass. Some days are easier than others, and you all know I am in a constant battle with emotional eating, but most of the time these days I feel good. I want to feel like myself again - I want to feel good about my body, but it all takes time. I am positive that God has blessed me with a second chance. A chance to grow closer to Him, to meet new people and surround myself with positive encouragers, to grow closer to my family, maybe an opportunity to move away, and definitely a second chance at love. But most importantly a chance to fully develop into the person HE wants me to be.
I know 100% for a fact that I would NOT even be close to where I am today without the support of my readers. YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING! I have made such lasting friendships and I treasure them so much! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! LOVE YOU!
After this weekend, I think I will be fully able to move on with my life. No more milestones to hang onto, no more looking back. There will still be tough days, it's a looooong process and I must be patient with mself, but soon things will fall into place for me. And when all else fails there's always margarita therapy!