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Thursday, April 25, 2013

The Final Chapter in Our Story

It's just TWO days away. 4/27/13 was a date that was supposed to change my world. My wedding date. My world has absolutely changed, although in a completely different way than I originally thought. One year ago today, I was riding the engagement high and just diving into the wedding planning process. I was so wrapped up in my own little happy place that I couldn’t see the things that were beginning to unravel. I had waited almost 8 years for Skye to become my husband and there was nothing more important in this world to me. I wanted it more than I have ever wanted anything. I felt like finally my life was going to be complete and I never had a doubt that we wouldn’t make it down the aisle. One of the things he said to me when he left will always stick with me. “You just wanted to get married, not necessarily to me.” It stung that November night, and it stings now to say it out loud. For the record, I do not feel like that’s the truth. I 100% wanted to get married, 100% wanted to settle down and start our family, 100% wanted to be with him forever. To me it felt like the natural next step in our relationship. There are several reasons that I attribute to our demise, none of which either of us ever in a million years saw playing out the way they did. (at least in my opinion). Of course there is my version of events, then his version and somewhere in between lies the nitty gritty truth. Honestly, none of the He Said – She Said really matters 6 months down the road. He has moved on and I am definitely in the process of moving on and sadly there’s no looking back. It feels like years ago that I even knew him that way and that we spent our every moment together.
This verse has helped me so much over the past 6 months - it's my life quote. When in doubt, turn to Proverbs!


 
Isn’t it amazing how resilient we are? How one moment I was in literal physical pain over my heartbreak and now I am on this path of rediscovery? Time truly heals all wounds and the Lord makes things happen in our lives that will always find a way to work out for the best. I’ve always believed and said these things – especially to others during times of trial or struggle. But I had only barely experienced them. I have (and still am) learning so much about myself – about who I am vs. who I want to be and how I want others to view me. I am not that girl who wants to be seen as broken. I want to be seen as a strong girl who has been faced with a difficult situation and completely kicked it’s ass. Some days are easier than others, and you all know I am in a constant battle with emotional eating, but most of the time these days I feel good. I want to feel like myself again - I want to feel good about my body, but it all takes time. I am positive that God has blessed me with a second chance. A chance to grow closer to Him, to meet new people and surround myself with positive encouragers, to grow closer to my family, maybe an opportunity to move away, and definitely a second chance at love. But most importantly a chance to fully develop into the person HE wants me to be.

 
I know 100% for a fact that I would NOT even be close to where I am today without the support of my readers. YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING! I have made such lasting friendships and I treasure them so much! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! LOVE YOU!
 
After this weekend, I think I will be fully able to move on with my life. No more milestones to hang onto, no more looking back. There will still be tough days, it's a looooong process and I must be patient with mself, but soon things will fall into place for me. And when all else fails there's always margarita therapy!

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57 comments:

Whitney Ellen said...

Gahh, I just love you so much. You've done so amazing throughout all of this and I'm so, so proud of you. I can also confirm that once THE date rolls by, it gets a lot easier. It will all just start to feel over, for real. You know I'm always here for you, love!

Audra said...

Put yourself in the shoes of the you from 6 months ago and go back and read this post today. If you didn't realize it already, wow... look how far you've come! I am so impressed with the grace you've shown through this process that could have broken someone less strong than you. And I totally agree that once this milestone is over, a huge weight will be lifted off of you. But still, go ahead and have a margarita or 12 this weekend, that'd be fine with me.

:) Sending you a virtual hug! :)

Stephanie said...

I am so glad that you are moving on and healing and doing good. I'm confident after the date comes and passes, you will feel even better than you do now. xoxo

Whitney Leigh said...

You are amazing.
and I can't tell you how proud I am of you. I know that we only know each other through our blogs, but I can see very clearly how you've come since November and how much of a better person you have become.

not that you weren't a great person to begin with. :) love you boo.

Kelly said...

Stay strong, girl! I'm so happy for you that you are thinking positive thoughts and not looking back.

Cassie said...

this is beautiful sister. you are so strong. and you have this amazing life looking right at you daily. great, amazing, positive things are out there with your name all over them. i love you and just let saturday be a day. i love you!!

P!nky said...

I'm sure this weekend will be harder than anything, but you sounds so strong girl. SO STRONG!!

Faith will not disappoint, GOD IS GOOD!

xoxo

Rachel's Country Roots said...

You are amazing and have come out that much stronger!! You will find the right person at the right time!! Keep your head up! I am happy you are doing good and remember...boxed wine and beer is always there..if not...we can have a skype date!

Erin said...

Aw love you girl!! You are way stronger than you even know (:

Helene said...

you are inspirational. you will get through this and are helping others with similar stories get through it too. glad to call you a blog friend.

Pamela said...

I just love you, Nikki! Love your honesty. So glad we have 'met' through blogging. You are such a beautiful, strong woman! You have been through a lot but come a long way! Now I think we should just plan a trip & meet in Nashville ;)

Wine and Summer said...

Lady, I am still blown away by how strong you have been and will continue to be. You will get through this and come out the other side a much stronger person that you could have ever imagine!

Love the positive energy!

Kayla Lynn said...

thinking of you greatly this weekend, you are so strong and so brave you truly an inspiration throughout this hard time :) xx

Amanda aka Manda said...

I seriously just cried reading this. You are so strong! Your outlook on everything is amazing. I know it's been a long road and there's still some traveling left to do, but I can't wait to see where you go and be by your side as you do it! Love you lady!

Steph G said...

I'll be thinking of you this weekend. Stay strong. You are an awesome person. This is very brave and honest. You've got my support. Sending you a virtual margarita :)

Pamela said...

sending you a big hug sweet girl! you are honestly so inspiring and STRONG! I know we don't know each other in real life, but I KNOW that you are an amazing woman - you are always so sweet and caring and you deserve the absolute BEST! This was just a bump in the road in your life, and you have already overcome the hardest part! thinking/praying for you & much love nikki!! xoxo

TheTinyHeart said...

I know this weekend will be hard for you but girl, you have come A LONG way in these last 6 months. You are so strong!

-Sharon
The Tiny Heart
$50 Target Giveaway!

Kalie said...

You are an amazing girl Nikke - don't ever forget that! Like you said, you've made a lot of progress and are continuing to push yourself. You ROCK! :)

Jordan said...

I remember those days when you were in pain and watching you grow and turn into this strong and amazing woman ON HER OWN has been so inspiring. I could not be more proud of you, truly. You have shown me and everyone that no matter what curve ball life throws at us, with time (and margaritas), we will be okay. I cannot stress how amazing you are for sharing your story and I am so happy you have found the bright side to this. God will bring someone into your life when the time is right and that man will be everything you deserve and more. And possibly a fire fighter or some kind of uniformed stud. Cheers to new paths for sure ;) I love you! I wish I could be there with you Saturday to either: work out, get pedicures, or grab some drinks. Or all three. YOU FUCKING ROCK. Always remember that!

Dee Stephens said...

Yay you!! So happy you're able to find peace.

Stephanie said...

Love you!!! This weekend will soon be just another distant memory. The stupid anniversary date is long gone and soon this will be too. We'll turn these crappy dates into just another day eventually.
You got this.
And if you need me, I'll be around to offer drunken moral support (because I'll be at a bar crawl. So call me for a good laugh, Tara and I will even sing to you.)

Sarah E. said...

My heart hurts for you, but you are a strong woman and you got this!! :)

LB @ Table For One said...

This post brought tears to my eyes!! You are so strong and unbelievably brave to have shared such personal details with us. I don't know if I could ever get this real. Margaritas are good, girlfriends are better but prayers to God are best. Love you girl! I'm here if you need me!

Ashley Barnhill said...

You have come such a long way since November! I am sooo proud of you! I think in another 6 months you will look back and realized you have become a different person and be so happy with where your life is at. Everything happens for a reason. :) xoxo

Girls Love Fried Pickles said...

Never let anyone else steal your glitter my friend.

Kelsey said...

you are so inspiring I am in the process of debating what the right answer is and how you know its ok to leave. This gives me faith that no matter what is decided you can get through it.

Yesi said...

Hey! I know, I've disappeared. I'm sorry. If you didn't know before... Kevin broke up with me. and I was devastated. One month ago today exactly. I now know how you feel. Although I wasn't with him for 8 years. I was with him for 4. Although we weren't engaged (YET).... I was literally hoping and praying that It was going to happen. But it didn't. So I am here, just writing back to you about how strong and amazing you have been. That through this whole process of my own break up you have been in the back of my mind, telling me that I could move on and be happy again, because you did and are doing just that. You are truly an inspiration hun. I am not going back to For Miami and love, I deleted that shit because it just wasn't helping me move on... but sometime within the next two weeks, The Yesi Diaries will begin. And it's a whole new chapter. & I hope that you will join me in my new journey of rediscovery. Love and misss you babe. Aren't you glad I'm finally back?! (: <3333 ♥

eas said...

You are amazingly strong and seem to have handled things as well as you can. High fives sister! Have a lot of margaritas this weekend.

Becca Moss said...

Girl, I NEEDED to read this. You're inspiring & you're stronger than you think! It WILL get easier and you will find THE one.

Song of Soloman 3:4
I have found the one whom my soul loves.

It'll happen for you, I promise.

Tiffany @ Polka Dotted Cats said...

This is so honest and wonderful. The healing will always continue. xoxo.

*LO* said...

i admire you for being such a strong woman. i can't imagine having gone through what you have, and being as positive as you are today. i don't know what else to say but i'm happy you are happy!

Fran @ Sassy Southern Bride said...

It will be good to have this weekend behind you. I went through a HORRIBLE breakup in 2010 and my Mom told me I'd be a stronger person when I got over it, and I feel like that's true.

Nikki said...

Girlfriend I love you! I am here for you in anyway I can be as you already know! You will get through this weekend with the love and support of your friends and family and then the fun loving easy going Nikki will be back. You rock girlfriend! Love you!

Erin @ Keep Calm and Sparkle said...

I am sooo proud of you and all that you have overcome!!! I just wish I could have been there in person to give your hot little ass a hug. I am glad that this day will soon be behind you and like you said you can move on. You know I am all about things happen for a reason. The realtionship ended for a reason other than the he said/she said {but we all know I am team Nikki- DUH}.

Seeing you move on puts a big smile on my face you are way too sweet to dwell for too long!

LOVEEEEE YOUUUUUU Sister!!!!!!

xoxoxo

Hallie @ Life:Oceanside said...

You already know exactly how I feel about this.

I love you, and am SO incredibly proud of you and to call you my friend!

xo

Charlotte said...

I don't even know what to say that someone else hasn't said but WOW! I am so stinkin' proud of you. You have done a great job moving on and becoming your own person. Keep it up! xoxoxoxo

Brooke @ sweats & sweets said...

I fully believe everything happens for a reason, for that is what God has planned for us. You are so right, He has given you a second chance. You could of gotten married and then realized it wasn't exactly what you wanted in your heart and then it could of ended a lot worse. I know you are strong, and you are handling such an event with grace because that is who you are. The one you are truly meant to be with won't say things like that harsh comment above, he will want to get married just as badly to you as you do to him.

sweatsandsweets said...

I fully believe everything happens for a reason, for that is what God has planned for us. You are so right, He has given you a second chance. You could of gotten married and then realized it wasn't exactly what you wanted in your heart and then it could of ended a lot worse. I know you are strong, and you are handling such an event with grace because that is who you are. The one you are truly meant to be with won't say things like that harsh comment above, he will want to get married just as badly to you as you do to him.

Sarah Davis said...

Hang in there dear! Your writing is inspirational and your an amazing person! Keep your head up and enjoy being you!

Treasure Tromp said...

sending you a lot of love, lady

Jill said...

I just went back and read some posts, which I had not done before....I had NO idea. Wow. As the old cigarette ads used to say, "you've come a long way, baby." Keep on keeping on sister!

Tracy said...

Isn't CRAZY how we can be just so confident, crazy in love one minute....absolutely in the most pain ever....and then better than before and stronger in such a short amount of time?

I LOVE that you are there where I am...thankful for the relationship and the memories and lessons learned, but actually grateful that you aren't with that person now.

Thank God for unanswered prayers :) PROUD of you girl!!

Lins - Domesticated Working Woman said...

Love you, sweet girl. My heart breaks for you, but at the same time, I get giddy with excitement for what your future holds.

Amber said...

Sorry girl, this must be so hard! But God has a plan for you and I am excited for you to find out what it is!! MUAH!!!

callie ;) said...

aww, bff! i wish i could buy you a pedi followed by a shit ton of cocktails this weekend! instead i will be praying for your continued strength and resilience, and i'm sure you will have plenty of friends taking good, good care of you. :)

as so many have said, you've already come so far in the past 6 months. i'm as proud of you as a blog/twitter friend can be! tomorrow is just another milestone you need to pass, and then it's on to bigger and better things. trust in god's plan - regardless of how it feels, everything will happen in his perfect time. xoxo!!

Britt said...

Dude...you ROCK. Seriously. So many people wouldn't be in the place that you are now, and I'm sure 6 months ago you didn't think you'd ever get to this point. I can't even imagine going through this, but it was meant to be. Your special someone is out there just waiting for you and then it will be right. You deserve every single happiness you desire!

lori said...

i have been so impressed with you over the past couple of months- you really ARE that strong girl and you have kicked ass!! i hope you manage to have some fun this weekend, go have a margarita girl (or several), whatever! thinking of you!!

Katie said...

Agree to all the comments above. I read this post and was so impressed by you. You're awesome! You've come so far.

katelyn w said...

You are awesome girl and you aint needddd NO man for that! You are so strong and we are all supporting you!!!

Katie said...

I know Im not a constant commenter (word??) but you are so strong! Of course there have been days where it's consumed you, but you have been so positive through this. I'm sure Saturday will be hard for you. Stay busy surround yourself with people that matter to you!!

:) good things will happen for you!

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

My ex-husband said almost the same thing to me about just wanting to get married and not necessarily because I wanted HIM. It SUCKS. It stings like I can't even believe (and I know you get that). It's so sad when people say things like that because you know in your heart that it was so much more than that.

Anyway. Sending you big huge hugs. You're strong and brave for putting this out there.

Lauren said...

You know, sometimes things happen that we just don't understand. And that we may never understand. But, I fully believe sometimes we go through things to change us for the better. And it may take YEARS to even see it! You have grown so much in the past 6 months, I can tell just by reading this post! And I'm sure this whole experience has increased your faith as well. Proud of you girl! Keep it movin' :) xoxox

Ashleigh said...

I know this feeling all to well sadly! I wish I could say that it instantly will be ok but then I would be lying. Its hard most days but somewhere in those tears there will be rainbows! Maybe not big ones at first but I know for me little by little I started to be me again, I started to smile a little more & cry a little less! I often wonder would it would be like to have been married to my highschool sweetheart with our twin girls but a wonder is all I get now! I know it was both of us & a loss didnt help but please keep your head up high! Hold on to whom you are & stay true to yourself sweet girl & in the end you will heal & be able to move on once again...

Marie Zamboli said...

Hi this is a lovely blog honey I think we should follow on GFC and Bloglovin? what do you think?

let me know I'll follow back for sure

New post is up on my blog you should have a look :)
oxoxoxo
Marie

Julie Marie said...

Youre positivity during this is so encouraging. Even the times I've felt and have written 'broken" in the past, I don't want to be viewed that way either. I'd much rather be strong and confident. It's funny how hard times bring us new opportunity to reflect on life and who we want to be. It truly is a path of self discovery...
xoxo

smk053078 said...

Just now catching up with all my girls!! And YOU my friend are a diamond in the sky!!! I can't believe how much time has already passed and how far you have come. Never give up on yourself...keep pushing forward...your are gonna kick your future's azz!!! I am so lucky blogging brought us together. You have inspired so many, including me with sharing your life and it's ups and downs. Love you!

KTB Reynolds said...

Ugh so late to the party!!!!! You are amazing and I am so blessed to know you through our little corners of the blogosphere. You are so strong & such an amazing & positive force! Keep hanging in there!