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Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Look Before You Leap...Or Something Like That

Writing posts about dating has never been difficult for me. Sometimes it makes me cringe to look back at certain things I've said in posts, but I can say that my dating posts have been accurate descriptions of where I'm at in my life. It's kinda cool to be able to look back over the past two years of singleness  documented here on my corner of the internet and see how things have progressed. I do love an honest update. So now how to describe where my dating life is currently...


Earlier this week would have been my two year wedding anniversary if Skye and I would have gone through with getting married back in 2012. Honestly, I didn't even feel the date coming on this year. I was reminded by Timehop (dang you, Timehop!). I didn't even cry. It just felt very strange. Very much like remembering something from a movie I watched years ago, instead of feeling like an experience I actually lived through. I'm in a good place with that baggage right now. Parts of that story will always be hard for me, but that's okay because I truly wouldn't want to forget. The most recent ex-boyfriend baggage is in a decent place too. It felt like we were in a stage of limbo for the past couple of months - trying to be "friends" and remain on good terms since we go to church together, yet not really being sure how to make that happen. We got to a place last week where we decided we can't be friends, and honestly I'm okay with that. AND the best news...drumroll please...I actually have a new boyfriend!! Not just someone I have a crush on, but a full blown boyfriend. I am SMITTEN and things are really good right now. It makes me so excited to feel this way again, but I'm also trying to keep myself grounded. Which if I'm being honest, is really hard to do! Especially with a boyfriend as hot as mine! :)

Dating does funny things to a 30 year old woman. It can drive  you batty, make you feel empowered, drive you to drink, or (like in my current situation) act like you've never been hurt a day in your life and just LEAP. It's much easier to allow yourself to become scarred by the battles you've faced. Been there, done that. Represented loud and proud, all day, erryday with my former black heart. That's not a fun state to live in! And it's not sustainable for someone who genuinely wants to settle down. Letting people in and being vulnerable is hard, but truly necessary work. Being that I am the ripe old age of 30, I am well acquainted with my strengths and weaknesses. I know the reasons that I would consider myself to be a great catch. But that doesn't mean that I will be everyone's cup of tea. Taking a leap in dating means that you have heighten awareness of these truths, but do not allow them to hold you back. It's a fine line that can really trip most of us up. With all that being said, I've had to come to terms with the fact that it is possible to take a leap and end up falling flat on my face. I think that fear is what holds us back most. Nobody wants to get their feelings hurt.


The evolution of my dating life is an interesting thing to study. Looking back, I see times when I should have stood my ground more and trusted my instincts. I see times when I probably shouldn't have been so overly guarded. I see mistakes, let downs, learning experiences, I see awesome stories - there's a lot to see in the dating life of a 28-30 year old!! The thing that is different for me right now is that I'm ready to take a leap. So... I'm taking a leap! Are there uncertainties? Absolutely yes. Do I have insecurities? Duh, They can feel crippling at times. It's okay to feel those things - and even better to push through them. I don't know what will happen here, but I know that I am trying to pray my way through it. I mean it when I say I want to settle down. I mean it when I say I'm ready. But I know ultimately it's not up to my timing. God knows the desires of my heart (I'm pretty persistent in telling him often), and He's the only one who knows how my story will unfold.

Remember my 2015 word? BELIEVE. I am choosing right now to believe this season of my life will serve a purpose. And I know it will. I believe that what God has planned for me is unable to be thwarted (how you like that word!!) - even by my own selfish, sometimes stupid, decisions.

My best dating advice today is to take that leap, friend. Jump in head first into the deep end. Believe that it can end up being the best thing that ever happened to you - but also know that it might not amount to anything. As scary as trying anything new (doesn't have to be a relationship) can feel, you have to try to know how it plays out. It's like playing the lottery - you gotta play to win. If you would have asked me a year ago, my advice would have probably been polar opposite. If you ask me next week, everything could have changed and it could very well be different too. But for today, I am urging you to leap.

Once again, my life has come down to being summed in a Sex & The City quote...



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16 comments:

Nikki said...

Girl I am so proud of you. You have grown so much and it is so clearly evident. I'm so happy you are happy! God is and is continuing to do BIG things in your life!

Amanda aka Manda said...

So happy for you! It's been amazing watching you change in this area and being along for the ride. I needed this advice today too! More than you know!

Cassie said...

oh my goodness - yay!! i am SO happy for you!!

let's get together soon!!

P!nky said...

Proud of you lady! So proud you were able to recognize the day without letting it make your day horrible. You are so strong and faithful! I am so happy you are happy and pray for this new relationship! I wish all the happiness in the world for you :)!

Jen @ South in the City said...

So very happy for you friend! And a very amazing and true post!! Couldn't have said it any better! I enjoy watching how fr you've come and even though it's even a roller coaster at times, it's made you who you are. One amazing awesome well developed person! Love ya xoxo

Meagan Hofer said...

Yay!! You are awesome!!! Proud of you & Your JOURNEY!

Pamela said...

happy for you!

Amy said...

I am so happy for you!! And I want to hear more about this boyyyyy. :D

Fran @ Sassy Southern Bride said...

I remember that episode of S&TC!! I can't wait to hear more!

Law_Fal said...

Sigh. This gives me hope. And TimeHop is the devil! Congrats girlie! Yay!!!! :)

Kerry @ Till Then Smile Often said...

So happy for you. It seems like you have learned and grown a lot and you deserve happiness!

Joey said...

YAYYYYY for a new boyfriend!! Love this post so much friend! Miss & love you!

Amy @ Living n Learning said...

Yay!! I am so happy for you friend. And your dating wisdom is always spot on. As always, thank you for sharing!!

Kathy@RealTalk said...

i haven't been around these parts lately but i'm very happy to read this post! i love that you've grown/learned from all of your experiences and you deserve to be happy! :D

Candace Shiflet said...

k you are AWESOME! I used to be a pro at dating posts. they were probably my most entertaining ones haha but anyways, I'm excited for you and the new bf in your life! and that is awesome to be smitten!it really is the best feeling in the world ever. sending good vibes your way that he ends up being a forever keeper :)
Xo
Candace | Lovely Little Rants

Em said...

So happy for you!! And really, living by Sex and the City quotes is key. ;)