I can't believe that today is my last guest blogger in this 6 week series - where in the world has the time gone??? I've had the pleasure of introducing you to some of my very favorite girls in this bloggy world. Today is no different. I found Ashley - aka 5ohWifey - very early on in my blogging career. At the time Skye was still in the police academy and I wasn't quite sure just how much my life was about to change. I remember on my very first go 'round with evening shift (2:00pm -11:30pm), I was lucky enough to stumble on 5ohWifey, and it just made my night! My very favorite thing about blogging is connecting with other strong women, like myself. Ashley is the best representation of a cop's wife that I can imagine! I truly find solace when I read her posts and I know that even though she's across the country from me, she would be there for me if I needed her and more importantly, she understands my struggles. These friendships we make are priceless!
Okay enough mushy stuff - Here's Ashley -
Hey you lovely Pink Growl readers! My name is Ashley and I blog over at 5ohWifey: life as a mommy and cop's wife. I am really excited that Nikki asked me to share a little bit over here today!
First and foremost, a little about me. I am amazed every day by what God is doing in my life. I am a southern girl now living in California
against my will. I am the wife of 5ohHubby who is a police officer and wonderful man and no that's not mutually exclusive. I am a stay at home mom to an amazing little girl I call 5ohBaby and she is my whole world. We have probably the cutest, ugly dog out there (5ohPup).
I try to blog about what I know. I try to keep it as real as possible. I blog about everything from holding on tight to my little one to the time I accidentally fed her jalapenos. I love to cook and even make my own baby food. Sometimes I get a little crafty and dabble in fashion posts. I always say that I want my blog to be a place where we can laugh together, cry together, and just be real with one another.
My favorite thing to write about is being married to a police officer. I write about both the joys and the stresses of being in a police marriage. It takes up 99.99% of my life so it's what I know. I don't want to act like 5ohHubby and I have it all together, even if I do write him love notes. We still have fights, just like another other couple. I like to pretend that I'm basically the best housekeeper in the world but we all know that's not true.
I never want to do the laundry. Ever.
One of the
many imperfect things in our marriage is the crazy shift work. As the wife of a police officer I had to get used to sleeping alone, attending weekend events by myself, and scheduling my life, and 5ohBaby's life, around 5ohHubby's schedule. Being married to a police officer is challenging, to say the least. So what do I do?
Well first and foremost I'm a part of a group that helps me to understand him and his job. I read articles about things like police marriage and domestic failure, how to have happy police marriages, and police PTSD.
I make sure that even when my husband is tired we keep God central in our lives through church and small groups. If you can not go to both because of shift hours, i suggest going to at least one or the other. And just because your husband can't make it, doesn't mean you cant. I see a dramatic difference in our marriage when we are regularly involved spiritually with one another.
I read books like Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement by Dr. Kevin Gilmartin and I Love A Cop by Dr Ellen Kirschman.
I personally have sat in on seminars by Dr. Gilmartin, Dr. Kirschman and many other events that are pro-marriage that have come around. Both Dr. Gilmartin and Dr. Kirschman do traveling speaking engagements so you can look them up. Now, granted, 5ohHubby doesn't have problems at work, hasn't been involved in a shooting, and is fairly new to the force (about 3 years). But that doesn't mean these books and articles don't apply to us. We soak up all the knowledge like sponges and try to learn from what has worked and hasn't worked for other officers.
We take preventative measures. Sure, 5ohHubby and I like a good glass
or two of wine every now and again, but he never drinks to come down after work. Never. Sure, he in no way relies on alcohol now but many first responders do, and we don't want that to happen to us. We looked and looked for a small group that fit us but couldn't be a part of the couple small group at church because of his shift. We tried out an older couple small group but just didn't relate. We tried out a small group based on our age but realized we really just needed a small group of couples our age. So we started one. We realized we were zoning out on TV after 5ohBaby went to bed so we... well, we still haven't done anything about that. But we're a work in progress.
I'm not saying we are perfect. Far from it. What I am saying it is important to know that it can happen to you just as quickly as it happens to someone else. That little things you deal with now are the things that become huge in the end. That marriage takes work and doesn't just happen.
I have TONS of resources, so if you are having trouble, whether your spouse agrees or not, or if you'd just like to delve a little deeper, feel free to contact me via email 5ohwifey[at]gmail[dot]com or come over to the blog and leave me a comment. I love my husband and I love his job (and he looooooooves his job). I want to do everything I can to continue to support him-- and also to support other wives out there!
Isn't she great?? I know that a lot of my bloggy friends are police, fire, EMS or military wives so we can all relate to this on some level. Even if your husband has a job with a crazy schedule, like my guest blogger #4 Kara - we can all find ways to relate to each other and help each other out.
THANK YOU ALL SOOOOO MUCH FOR SUPPORTING THIS 6 WEEK SERIES - WHO DO YA LOVE WEDNESDAYS! I hope you've made some new friends in your Google Reader, and maybe we can revive this series again at a later date!
If you guest bloggers #1-5 you can find them here: