Thursday, April 3, 2014

More Unsoliticed Dating Talk

Dating stories are my favorite, you know this. I always like to hear how other people are trekking in the dating world because let's be honest, it can be a jungle out there. I have so many stories that I want to tell you...but I can't really without giving up too much information. Let's stick with lessons learned. For some reason, I like to preach to y'all (I apologize for that, maybe it's just because I'm southern?) but here we go.

1. Rejection Sucks
I need this reminder just as much as anyone. I got myself a few hurt feelings veeerrrry recently. Let's just say I had plenty of boyfriend dreams for a fella who didn't exactly feel the same way about me. Rejection happens, it's part of dating. It can hurt a little, but you gotta dust yourself off and keep going. Just because someone is a great guy doesn't mean he's the guy for me. In fact most of the time, someone is going to have more feelings. Situations like this are a perfect reminder for me that the guy who is right for me, will make it fool-proof obviously clear that he wants to be with me. No heavy chasing required - on my part or his. 
One of my favorites from our engagement session waaaay back in 2012, feels like a lifetime ago
Photo courtesy Blush Creative Photography
I just wanted to keep it real and say I know that some days are just plain hard. You let this world bring you down and make you feel not good enough because you have been rejected on some level. You have to make the choice to view a mishap as part of the process to get you to where you are supposed to be. We all have a past. Some days I still think about Skye. I dream about him frequently. Some days I still want that life back. (I definitely want that ring back!) That life was easy, and rarely challenging. My broken engagement was the absolute biggest rejection of my life! Talk about feeling like a failure, the guy who promised to marry me decided he didn't want me anymore 5 months before our wedding. Trust me, if I can step beyond an 8 year relationship  to the sunny side of the street - then so can you. So yeah, rejection sucks but everyday I choose to keep going down the path God has planned for me.
2. Never Putting Yourself Out There Sucks More
I get scared. Scared to the point that I don't want to date at all. But I'm not going to find any guys magically appear in my living room while I'm binge watching Bravo (unless they are gay ones).

My compromise is to put myself out there just a little bit, if I'm interested. Flirt with him, or just suggest a date and see what happens. I'm not opposed to asking a guy out either, if I feel so moved. If you never put yourself out there because you're afraid of rejection, then really you aren't growing at all. You're stuck in a place of fear. Let your faith be bigger than your fears - not sure if I'm preaching to you now about dating or God, but either way roll with it. Dating practice gives you a thicker skin. But always remember your limits - like my 2 date rule. When all else fails, you can friend zone the crap out of him. I'm the queen of doing this, if you need assistance HA!

3. Boys Are People Too
They get nervous. They get excited. They can jump the gun and build things up in their head after 1 date. They talk to their friends about dates. They definitely talk to their friends about sex. They can feel shy. They can get depressed. They don't want to be rejected. They might need a shot of whiskey before a first date... Okay the more I continue with the list the more I realize that I really might be a guy!!! I think we tend to make them the villain sometimes, but for the most part they are a lot like us. Just maybe a little more simple minded :)
Even this guy, as beautiful as he is - he's still just a person too
Ok really I just wanted an LB pic...what is a Pink Growl post without one??

4. Trust That Spark
I told you the other day about my dad's dating advice for me "no hipsters". Really, he probably doesn't even know what a hipster means. To him it just means boys who don't play golf and wear skinny pants. Well that's kinda what it means to me too, except throw in certain hairstyles and music choices. Both of my parents (and plenty of people in my world) love to give me dating tips/advice. And while I appreciate it, it really doesn't matter. The heart wants what it wants. I could fall completely in love with a yankee hipster who has lots of tattoos and is scared of guns. That might be my dad's worst nightmare, but he could be the man of my dreams. I try to keep an open mind. I've gone out with plenty of guys who I had doubts about or wasn't traditionally attracted to. I'm not sure how else to say that I am holding out for "when you know, you know". To me personally, that feels like instant chemistry with someone from the first moment you meet them. In both instances of my serious relationships, I knew I wanted to do whatever it took to be with them before we even had a first date. I believe in that feeling with every fiber of my being. And once you know that feeling, you crave it. You want to chase it, but it's not to be chased. It cannot be developed, in my opinion. It's something that smacks you in the face so hard you fall to your knees. It makes you feel electric when you make eye contact. It somehow erases fear and allows you to go for it, even when your heart is about to knock a hole in your chest. Trust that feeling. Always follow your heart. When you know, YOU KNOW! I never want to hurt a guy's feelings, but after 2 dates if we BOTH aren't desperate to be together, then he's got to go.

These are just my experiences, based on my life and I am passionate about wanting to share this stuff to help people who are in my boat. I've been hurt, I've had slutty moments, I've been cheated on, I've been the one who cheats, I've had untruths told about me, I've been in love, I've done things that I am terribly ashamed to admit, I've lost myself in a relationship and found myself again. I am human, and I make mistakes. Small ones everyday and huge ones that I have to forgive myself for. Love talk can inspire strong feelings in all of us - some positive, some negative. Of course all these opinions are mine. You are 100% so inclined to disagree.


P!nky said...

What a great, strong and honest post. I found myself nodding to your whole list. Keep rocking it out lady belle. You're man is out there and God made him an amazing one :)!


Helene in Between said...

you can preach all you want because you're good at preaching! I love how open and honest this post is. I love your perspective and truly think others that are or have been knocked down in love (who hasnt?!) can benefit from this!

Samantha said...

This is awesome advice! You're already well on your way to finding love knowing all of this :) As long as you continue to put yourself out there, I'm confident you'll find the perfect guy for you - even if he is a hipster (but I hope he's a country boy ;))

Amanda aka Manda said...

You always have some of the best dating advice! I love this's honesty and your perspective. I know that He will bring you the one, an amazing man who gives you that immediate slap in the face spark!

TheTinyHeart said...

This is such great advice! #2 is so true...I think dating can be a numbers game, so the more you put yourself out there and date, the more likely you will find the one!

The Tiny Heart
Cookbook Giveaway!

Rachel S. said...

You are amazing for one. You have come out so much stronger after everything you have been through!!

Amy @ Living n Learning said...

First, thank you for that picture of Luke Bryan. Pretty sure that just made my entire Thursday!

All of these lessons you nailed so well! #2 is exactly the reason why I have dating apps galore on my phone. Gosh that sounds bad but it's the truth. I can be such a home body that it would make meeting someone next to impossible. Now at least I can put myself out there from the comfort of my own home while in my pajamas while binge watching Sons of Anarchy.

And I'm thinking that #4 is a lesson I'm going to learn very soon in my own dating experience...But that's a story for my own blog. ;)

Jill @ Bluegrass Belle said...

I love your posts because you are honest :)
(And you post LB. That doesn't hurt either)

Erin @ Keep Calm and Sparkle said...

LOVE this post and all your honesty. Just think about how much better you will be for your "one" when you find him. You have learned so much about yourself and grown so much in this past year and half that when you do find Mr. Right (other than LB) you will be an awesome partner for that lucky fella!!

LOVES YOU soooo much!!

Hope @ Hope in a Blog said...

Girlfriend my mom always says "God's rejection is your protection" keep your pretty little head up! Xx.

Joey said...

This is such a great post, friend! I'm so proud of you for being so open and honest and sharing the nitty gritty! You are helping so many others in the same situations! <3

Tracy said...

Giiiiiiiiiiiirl, preach!!! I love it all - wish we could sit down with a beer and compare stories ;) Maybe someday!!! <3

Kerry @ Till Then Smile Often said...

After watching the Online Dating Ritual of Men (or whatever it's called) they are just like us in a lot of way when it comes to dating. Putting yourself out there is so scary but I guess there is no other way.

Amanda - Voyage of the MeeMee said...

I love reading posts like this... even as someone who's been in a relationship for 4 years now... it's just fascinating to me for some reason! I think it's something that we can all relate to. No matter who you are, you've been hurt. You've had your heart broken. You've been rejected. Your honesty is amazing. :)

Amanda Elizabeth - Meet @ the Barre said...

Girl this is like one of my absolute favorite posts from you. I was literally single my entire life and everyone had an opinion and voiced it all the time. Like I'm sorry I have to feel a connection with someone....yeah they may look good on paper but the thought of kissing thanks. You have such strong faith and so many people that love you.....all in time. Btw two of my close gf's are newly single after long relationships I'm definitely sharing this with them! xoxoxo

Micah said...

Such great advice in here. I think I need to be reminded of all of them on a regular basis.

Jackie said...

I feel like you took all of our conversations and put them on the blog! :)