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Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Real Talk: Sometimes Single Sucks

Raise your hand if you are sick of hearing me be miserable after my breakup! (You can't see me but I have both hands raised HIGH!) These days life feels much more normal for me. I would choose to call it content vs. happy with how things have played out. I've made peace with my situation and now I just try to enjoy my freedom and have faith. My friends and family have been an incredible support during this time and it's true what they say that you really do learn who is there for you when you go through something like this in your life.
 
Some days I still miss Skye. There I said it. And it's true. We can't go back in time and fix what was broken, and I don't think either of us would even want to at this point. I've changed as a person and he has changed tremendously. I look at pictures of him now and I feel like I don't even know this person. The person that I spent 8 years of my life with feels like a ghost. So strange how time can reveal things and make things "right". I have obviously come a LONG way since November, but these things apparently take lots of time to completely heal. Breakups are hard. They break you. Life goes on, for both of you. You grow into a new person, a stronger one. You learn lots of lessons. Then one day, you move on and it seems like the whole thing never happened.
 
Point of this whole post is that yes sometimes I miss him, but mostly these days I just miss certain things about being in a relationship. I went from living with someone for 6 years to being alone everyday. I get lonely (I know that sounds pathetic, but it's true). I miss having a constant companion to run around with, someone to share lame stories about my day with, someone to spoil me in the everyday little ways, someone who knows me so completely, someone to be silly with and someone to crawl into bed with and say I love you to every night. So who is ready to move in with me?!?!?!
 
And if we are being extremely honest (and completely shallow) I miss my damn ring! Every time I see a picture of it, I almost tear up! I was so in love with that ring. I often curse the day I gave it back.
 
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50 comments:

Stephanie said...

I'll come live with you. Me and Walter. Then we won't be lonely! And we can have some awesome #singlegirl adventures and blog about them.

Duh! Danae said...

:( Come to Az when I'm out there in September and we will meet up and rage it up ;)

Lindsay @ Love In Her Eyes said...

I love that you were so honest in this post. Just because you break up and move on, doesnt mean you totally forget about the person. Certain things in life just suck at times....but I know you will get through it, we all do. Don't look for love again, it will find you :) In such an unexpected way.

Wine and Summer said...

I'm moving it!

You are seriously doing so amazing with this and everything will work its self out! Keep your chin up girly!

Erin @ Keep Calm and Sparkle said...

Fine Fine Fine...me and Baby H & Murphy will move in and we can all have one big cuddle sesh!

Love you girly and keep your head high!!! You have came a long way since November!! I think missing parts of someone are only normal. AND I would totally miss that ring too!! One day you will have an even better one!

XoXo

Pamela said...

honey you are NOT pathetic. It is okay to miss him and it is okay to be lonely! the way you have dealt with it is so strong & I know I wouldn't be able to do that same. I have never had a serious relationship so I cannot put yourself in your shoes, but I do know that you will find a wonderful man that you will be ten million times more happy with. God has an interesting way of interfering in life, but he has a plan :) <3 you!

DeAnna Stephens said...

I dated and lived with a guy for 3 1/2 years. We broke up when I was 31. I was happy the relationship was over with for the most part but I missed the companionship too. All my friends were married and it was if I had no one to run around with and do things with.
That's what I love about being married now.. having a best friend..
Hang in there. Just know that you're becoming a stronger, better person each day. I know from experience.
It was a tough time but I look back at it now and am glad I went through it(sorta).. xoxo

callie ;) said...

oh, how i love your honesty in this post. i lived alone for 4 years and you're right - it does get lonely sometimes! you're not pathetic for saying that! it's reality. i am such a talker that i lived for phone dates with my out of town best friends...they lasted hours back then! (poor girls, haha.)

and you're a better person than i would be in your situation: i totally would have kept that ring. ;) loves you!

Life With Lauren said...

You are doing great. that is a really long time to have somebody in your life. Thinking about you!!!

Jordan said...

Can I come live with you and Tilly? We can spend 50% of the time exercising/kicking ass/being bosses and 50% of the time wearing sweat pants/watching reality tv/drinking beer/being lazy/talking about how awesome we are/still being bosses. I love you and am so happy with how far you've come. It's hard reminiscing but I'm glad you've come to realize that it's ok to miss those little things without still wishing you had it, if that makes sense. People change and it's good you've accepted he is no longer that man you were once in love with. I know I say this every time, but I mean it with all my heart - God has bigger and better plans for you and they probably include a hunk of a man who will give you everything you desire (and all the things you didn't even realize you want). You are so strong and I admire you so much for enduring this. Stay positive like you are and you will only continue to become a more beautiful woman! <3

Amanda aka Manda said...

I'll come move in with you! I love your honesty in this post! It's ok to say you miss him or miss being in a relationship. We all have that person we miss. Just stay positive and things will fall into place soon enough!

Foodies Find Fitness said...

Yes...that is a beautiful ring, but I'm sure you'll get another one that will mean so much more!

Keep taking care of yourself and you will be the perfect match for someone....a Bama fan maybe!? I kid, I kid. I just had to throw that out there since I went to UA.

Speaking of....are you already getting excited for college football? Because I totally am!!!

-Bevin

Lindsey said...

Thank for your honesty, girl. I cannot even pretend to imagine how hard of an adjustment it would be after so long together. Thinking of you today. HUGS!

Stephanie said...

Hawkeye and I are going to come move in. I think her and Tilly would be besties, I can tell. And you and I can make fun cocktails every night and watch trashy tv!!

Erin @ Sugar Magnolia said...

Did I mention Luke is coming back in less than 2 weeks!?

Ashley Barnhill said...

I still remember reading the post about y'all calling off the engagement and my heart just broke for you. I have watched you (thru your blog, not in a creepy way ha) over the past 8 months and you have come a LONG way. I am so proud of you and know you are going to look back one day and be perfectly content with how everything turned out. That will be the day you are marrying a fabulous guy that you deserve. xoxo

Sarah said...

It isn't pathetic. It is hard. They are called break ups for a reason, you are broken. I cannot imagine how you have been so strong. I couldnt even get out of bed after a relationship that lasted a whole lot shorter of a time.

Its okay to miss him & to be sad. You are strong & one day you will look back on this & the pain will seem like a million years ago!

xoxo

Helene in Between said...

Nikki, you went something very hard. You are definitely allowed to have those days where you miss him or what you had. I just know that you're a stronger person because of it!

CM | My Life, Laughs, and Love said...

Hey sweet girl, this time is rough for you and I'm so incredibly sorry for that :( just know that someday (hopefully sooner than later) you'll be with the person you were meant to be with and reflect on these times and recall how strong they made you. It's easy for someone who isn't going through it to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but try to keep your head up, live your life, smile, party, love, laugh, and all will work out :) xx

Cassie said...

ALWAYS remember you are NOT alone. not one single bit. there's someone out there in the exact same boat.

i still have days that i miss that "person" but like you said, you don't really miss them, you miss the thought of them being around. they aren't the person you used to know. sure you think you can come back in their life and change them, but how much good is it going to do.

everything happens for a reason. this sucks. flat out SUCKS. but life goes on. this too shall pass. and one day, no not tomorrow, or next month, but one day, you will look back and say THANK YOU for letting this happen to you because you wouldn't be in the amazing place you are today without it.

i'm always here for you if you ever need to get it out. i still deal with the emotions day in and day out. big hugs and lots of love you to my friend. hang in there! xoxo

Jackie said...

You are allowed to miss it all. I strongly dislike my ex-bf for what i was put through in our relationship, but that doesn't mean that I don't still miss some of the positives that being in a relationship.

You will get there. You will find someday that you've moved on and you can look back and say "I survived. I learned so much about myself".

Jordon said...

You are more than allowed to have days like this. You invested alot of time, but have gained so much! PS. I would miss that damn right too. ;)

Steph G said...

You can always chat with me!!!! You are totally allowed to miss things in the past. I love that you acknowledge how far you've come. Things like this aren't easy.

Pamela said...

Life does suck sometimes, but that situation has made you such a stronger person! You're beautiful inside & out. Thank goodness it didn't happen after you two were to get married! The guy I dated before B, I thought I was going to marry that boy. When he broke up with me (out of the middle of freakin no where), I thought my whole entire world was falling apart. I didn't have any desire to do anything, go anywhere, eat, you name it. I thought I had lost everything. After several months, I realize that I wasn't the one that lost anything - he was! I came out of it stronger than I ever have. I began to speak up & stand up for myself. So much that it prob gets on B's nerves, ha! Oh well! It's apart of who I am, & I love it. So thankful to have gotten to know you on here! Let's save our $ & meet in Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg sometime ;) ummm might have to be early next year, ha!

Pamela said...

...OH and missing some things about that person is normal! There are little things that I still miss from my ex. Including his family!

Whitney Leigh said...

I don't blame you. I have been so impressed by how positive you've been through this whole thing, honestly. I would have just stopped showering and stayed in my apartment 24/7.

you're an amazing girl, and Skye just wasn't the right one to have your heart forever. There is some dude out there for you who will crash your universe.

and maybe that dude is my brother. he is. come marry my brother.

TheTinyHeart said...

There's nothing wrong with missing him. It really takes a long time to get over someone! And you should treat yourself to some other diamond bling. :)

-Sharon
The Tiny Heart

Britt said...

Dude you are awesome. Skye sucks for going and changing into a douche. I definitely know how you feel though - I look at pictures or hear things about my ex and I'm like WHA?! It's the weirdest thing because we were together for 3+ years. But anyway, back to your awesomeness. Someone totally up to speed with how cool you are is waiting for you. I won't tell you I miss being single, but I do definitely miss the freedom to just do whatever I want sometimes. So I'm living vicariously through you a little bit!! :)

Fran @ Sassy Southern Bride said...

Hang in there! I bet in another year all this will feel like another lifetime and like it happened to someone else. I have a few things in my past that feel that way and I am very grateful that the passing of time does that.

Rachel Silski said...

You can have as many days like this as you want!!! One day...you will look back on this and will smile because you will be with the person you are meant to be with! Keep your chin up!

Mademoiselle Michael said...

You are far from pathetic! And, I think there's a big difference from being lonely and being alone. You have moments where you feel lonely...but you are never truly alone because you have a great support system AND all of us :) You know we are here for you and you are allowed to share your truths, and your side of the story. Your reality is allowed to be your reality, and there is NOTHING to be ashamed of.

Some amazing man is going to THANK Skye for making such a bad move, because it's going to bring that man to you. Then he'll get you a sick ring which will upstage the last. True story, happened to my cousin! (He also got her a sick penthouse...so I mean, things are looking good for you girlfriend ; ) xoxoxo

Life of a Little Songbird said...

You're allowed to be honest! You're not pathetic. You're just like every other girl. I know its so cliche' to say but it will happen when you least expect it. It did for me. Then you will be able to sit back and see the whole picture & see why things worked out the way they did.

Shannon @ Bungalow960 said...

Pathetic? Far from. My parents dropped off a few boxes of mine from their house over the weekend and I found a box of things from my first love. Even though I am happily engaged to Andy, my heart broke a little reading our hopes, wishes, and dreams. We thought we were forever. Turns out, people change, life changes, and you want different things now. I sometimes wonder how he's doing, I spent a large chunk of my life with him. I don't know if that will ever go away, regardless of me being engaged/married. That person will just always hold a little piece of your heart.

Kim Luke said...

please move to st louis!!!!

the ring is beautiful, but when you find the right guy- the new ring is going to shine like no other!!!!

lovie you!! <3

eas said...

Oh keep your chin up girl. I think it's so normal to feel like you do. What a pretty ring!

B said...

you rock! being this honest with yourself is hard, doing it in a public forum is even harder. it is normal to feel lonely sometimes, not pathetic. it is great you loved your ring, it means he knew you well. don't be embarrassed about these things, just embrace them. sounds to me like you are doing an AMAZING job of healing from this and being an adult. cheers to you!

Meg {henninglove} said...

thanks for your honesty missy!! hey even being married there are times that i am lonely so in reality sometimes being married doesn't change the situation. and can i just say it your ring was gorgeous!!

Rachel Sedaker said...

Yes, sometimes it does suck. Especially during "wedding season" when it seems everyone is posting wedding pictures or talking about their freaking anniversaries. It does get lonely going to bed alone, night after night. But I'm gonna try to chalk it up to character-building, and hope that I'm becoming the woman I need to be for my future love, and hope that the same is true for my future love. Also, sometimes dogs are just plain better than men.

Jamie said...

:(
Life is hard.

Katie said...

I hate that you're sad. I hate that you still hurt, but it's going to take time. That is a long time to be with someone nearly all the time then go to never seeing them.

You will be better off. There is a reason he is no longer a part of your life.

You are super strong! You have been through a lot in the last year. Keep your girl friends close. You know we are all here for you!

Amy said...

What you said about break ups is so darn true. They do break you, hard. But you're so right, you get stronger and become a better person from them.

Hope you're having a good day, girly. I for one, would LOVE to live with you. We would have the best girls nights in :)

Ashley said...

Nikki - I relate to your blog so much. I was in a relationship for 7 years until he said he was "done." And I've been reading all this time AMAZED at how you have handled it. I was a shell of a person for a solid 2 years.

And this post is so true, even now. Some days, it stinks and it's hard and as much as i truly am happy for all my friends, sometimes, if I'm honest, I get tired of being happy about their dates and their weddings and their babies. i'm ready to be the person with the ring.

whew - TMI comment but, i really am just amazed at how you have handled this breakup with such grace and honesty.

SHUG IN BOOTS {Beth} said...

You're right. One day, you just see that person, and think, "Wow, I don't even know you." One day, you won't really even be able to remember the him that used to be. Or the "us" that used to be. And, as far as the ring, maybe you can replace it with one that you really, really love as a gift to yourself. One that represents YOU and all of the wonderful things that are still in store for you! :) <3

Becca Moss said...

Thinking about you! You're stronger than you think pretty lady!

Hannah said...

Wow this was so honest and open, thank you for sharing!!

Faith said...

You should have kept it ;)

But I completely hear you and it's nothing pathetic about it. I think you are so brave to share this side of you. I already know you're not going to be single for much longer :)

Stephen said...

If it's any interest to you, being a husband whose wife walked out on him with a look of contempt in her eyes is even harder (as a hint, in a relationship, never EVER confess to your spouse that you're struggling to cope; turns out people DON'T understand). It turns out you can both (a) be the bad guy and (b) also lose the last flakes of your self respect.

Stephen said...

If it's any interest to you, being a husband whose wife walked out on him with a look of contempt in her eyes is even harder (as a hint, in a relationship, never EVER confess to your spouse that you're struggling to cope; turns out people DON'T understand). It turns out you can both (a) be the bad guy and (b) also lose the last flakes of your self respect.

Kerry @ Till Then Smile Often said...

It is totally ok to miss the little things now and again, it reminds you of the small things you do want in the next relationship. Know that you are healing and it's okay. We are all here for you and look forward to you finding the right one for you!

Christina said...

Breakups hurt so much because it's a loss. Any kind of loss is a change, and change isn't always the easiest! You'll get through it. The ring is pretty yes, but your butt is cuter, hahha!! There I said it!