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Monday, November 4, 2013

Look At Me All Livin' and Shit

One year ago today my life changed directions. Skye kicked me to the curb and I am such a better person today because of it. If you met me sometime within the past year, then you probably haven't been able to experience the real me. And I'm sorry for that. I've been a strange shell of myself, going back and forth between being sad and experiencing growing pains. But I'm getting back to normal - slowly, but surely. Each day got just a little bit easier to face and now all of a sudden it's been a whole year.
 
Last week was rough. Apparently I was still holding onto some emotions over my breakup that I really just needed to finally let go of.  But I woke up this morning feeling grateful and hopeful for what God has in store for me. Skye and I had a good 8 year run. I am thankful for the love he brought to my life and the lessons I've learned from this heartbreak. BUT I truly believe I was meant for someone better than him. Not that he's a bad guy, but he's just not the guy for me.
 
 
 
 
People in my own family haven't supported me during this breakup, and that's been absolutely devastating. But I've learned that I can't control other people. I have to move on and only focus on bettering myself. I love this quote above because it's so true. I will never ever ever ever be able to forget the people who have reached out to me and truly supported me during one of the toughest years of my life. And likewise, I will never forget those who abandoned me. One year ago today, I had no idea how I would survive this. Yet here I am. I've experienced a lot of "firsts" and now the only time I want to look back is to see how far I've come.
 
 
Thank you SO MUCH to each and every one of you who has connected with me or reached out during this time. It means the world to me and it has helped me feel so loved! I can never thank you enough!! I hope by sharing my story with you, it can help someone else who finds themselves in this boat. That's what this is all about after all, helping each other.
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53 comments:

Sara Elizabeth said...

I'm so happy that you're in a positive place 1 year later :) GO YOU GIRL!

Jessica Manning-Garner said...

So glad you were able to take the positive from this situation! LIVIN'

Joey said...

look at YOU all livin' and shit. Exactly. You did it, friend. And you survived! And not only did you survive, you've gained perspective. Your life is still just beginning. Just you wait and see ;)

P!nky said...

Love the ecard! Well said.

I'm sorry you've had to experience this heartbreak and the saddness of friends/family not supporting you. That's never a fun thing and even more of a betrayal than a breakup.

You are living AMAZINGLY and that's so wonderful. I can't imagine how hard this year has been, but I can see the fun that you have found.

God has the perfect man for you and he's waiting :)

Stay strong sweet friend! <3

callie ;) said...

i love the person who said, "your life is just beginning" - so true! you have so many wonderful days and years ahead of you. when you have tough times in the future, you can reflect back to this past year with the knowledge that you can get through anything!

you are fabulous and you will find someone equally as fabulous to share this crazy journey with you.

love ya!!!

CALLIE said...

You go girl!!! Life's tough, but we're tougher!! So proud of you and all that you've overcome this year. We really can surprise ourselves sometimes, can't we?!

Jen @ That's What She Read said...

I am so glad I read this post! I am in month 7 of a huge break up and everyday I find a change in myself that I didn't notice before...it all puts a whole new meaning in the saying "Time heals all wounds!" You're doing great girl!

Jen @ That's What She Read said...

I am so glad I read this post! I am in month 7 of a huge break up and everyday I find a change in myself that I didn't notice before...it all puts a whole new meaning in the saying "Time heals all wounds!" You're doing great girl!

Wine and Summer said...

This was so nice to read. I am glad you are in such a positive place! It will only continue to get easier.

Cassie said...

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo - you are SO strong! so proud of you lady!

Rachel said...

YOu are so amazing and strong on your own!! You are finding your self and are coming out on top!

Stephanie said...

Wow, one year already?! You've grown so much, I'm so proud of you!

Amanda aka Manda said...

You are so strong! I'm so glad you shared this and that your are in a such a positive place! Things will only get better and better! Love you lady!

Katie said...

I'm happy that YOU are happy :) You have come a long way in a short time. That is something to be proud of

Jordan said...

I feel like this year just flew by! I remember reading that first post when you explained why you'd inadvertently taken a break from blogging. I love how honest you've been through this experience and how you've managed to stay so positive no matter what. You're awesome, Nikki, and I am proud to call you my friend! Like a boss. <3

Stephanie said...

I absolutely love this post! You are SO right. You will find someone better for YOU. Like you said, he isn't a bad guy, just not the best guy for you. And you deserve nothing but the best! xoxo

Kerry @ Till Then Smile Often said...

So proud of you for not letting it break you down! You are strong and the right person will come!

megan said...

HE always has a plan! :)

Amy said...

So proud of you! You are such a beautiful person, inside and out. I'm thankful for you sharing your heart and your story with us! XO

Laura {happily ever} Parker said...

Rooting for you and knowing that something and someone far greater is destined for you!

Ashley said...

so incredibly proud of you! i had a 7 year relationship end and was a "shell of myself" for well over 2 years....look at you!!!! XOXO

Charlotte said...

you are awesome and we all love you!

Ashley Robyn said...

I am so proud of you and so excited for all that life has in store for you sweet friend. Things will happen when you least expect them and I can't wait to watch it all unfold. Love, love, love.

Aly said...

So proud of how far you have come! One of my favorite quotes is "There are far, far better things ahead, than any we leave behind." I know amazing things are ahead of you!

Mademoiselle Michael said...

I cannot believe some people in your family chose not to support you. I think it's evident by the way you live your life, that you'd never make that choice should they have found themselves in a similar position.

While you might feel like a shell, I don't think you are—or at least your shell is more lively and vibrant than others' "full portion" of their lives.

You're a wonderful gal. I know we're both kind of in places we didn't expect to be in (me with my health, and you with this curveball) but I know we'll continue to grow. You're a great encouragement, living with grace and humor, smiling through tears, and triumphing through it all. You go girl :)

Barbara Vines said...

I LOVE how carefree and joyous you have been this year. I am sure today was hard in its own way, but you are such a stronger person today than you were when I started stalking your blog 1 year ago!! here is to another great year and then another and then another and more and more!!! so happy you're happy!! keep livin and shit!! xoxo - B

Dee Stephens said...

It hurts when your own family doesn't support you but I've learned a lot about forgiveness in the past few months and one thing I know.
Hurting people hurt people :) Do yourself a favor and forgive.

Kait said...

It's easier to count your burdens than your blessings and I'm so happy to read this post today. You have managed to look at all the positives and I love it! XO

Nikki said...

Love that you opened up about this. Sometimes we think we can't live a different way.. but life has a funny way of making us see things we never thought possible. Sounds like you're coming out the other side :)
xoxo,
Nikki at www.bedazzlesafterdark.com

Nikki said...

You are strong and I knew you would get through this! The best is yet to come for you!

Jamie said...

Moving on and moving forward!

Molly Turnbaugh said...

So happy that you have made it a full year! I had to go through the same thing not too long ago and I know how hard it is, and how devasting it can be when the people you love leave you during those times. So happy that you are "living and shit". :)

http://mollybeth3113.blogspot.com/

Duh! Danae said...

You're awesome girl! Go you!!

Fran @ Sassy Southern Bride said...

I just did a post on my blog recapping attending my college homecoming this weekend. I got to remember my college bf who I dated for 4 years and realized I am 100% happier now than I could have ever imagined back then. I KNOW you are/will be too! I just know it. You are so much stronger b/c of this. I think things are only going to get easier from here on out. The "firsts" are always the hardest.

Taylor Bradford said...

Girl...in life we just have to keep trucking. Easy to say, but sometimes so very hard to do. I am sorry that your family has let you down. But I am grateful for the friends in your life (and your non-letting-down family members) that have held you up when you most needed it. You have such a beautiful spirit and you are so incredibly right. There is someone out there who is even better for you!

Erin LFF said...

Seriously proud of you and sending some virtual hugs your way. You're a rockstar!!! :)

lil desiqua said...

It's funny, as soon as I became single I came straight to your blog. Like you, I didn't know how I would move forward. But then, I saw that you were. You were (and are) such an inspiration during this time and I am so happy that you are doing better! Thank YOU for sharing your story! You are awesome!

Lindsay @ Love In Her Eyes said...

so glad you are in a happy place now. healing takes time, it never happens over night. love that you are so honest and share your feelings. so many women hurt but never share. i think when we share, we find so many other people in our positions. go you! ;)

Pamela said...

Nikki, you have come SO far! So proud of you & happy that you're happy...and living & shit... ;) love you!

Life of a Little Songbird said...

Its amazing how far you can come from that lowest point! Been there done that! Things will always get better. Congrats to you for pushing yourself through :) You will find that special guy!

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

God you could be writing about my divorce. A lot of people didn't support me and to this day I know some still blame me, like it was all my fault and I was the bad one while my ex is the good one.

So so bad. There are some days still when I feel anger towards my ex. I know that will fade eventually but still... those days just suck.

I am so glad you're moving on and feeling strong. Kudos lady.

TheTinyHeart said...

You have come SO far in a year! I truly admire what a strong person you are! It makes me sad to hear that not everyone in your family supported you through this but I am happy that you did have the support of other people to get through it.

-Sharon
The Tiny Heart

Holly said...

Look at you! Seriously! I remember reading your post about how devastated you were about the break up. You needed time to grieve and you've done that, you're doing that. But you're also growing and I think that's evident in this post. Go you! xoxo

Faith said...

I was smiling ear from ear reading this! It's amazing how so much can change with a years time. Just think of life in another year. I'm so glad you're feeling better and that you had people support you during a rough time.

Kalie said...

I know I'm a day late, but you are an amazing woman, and an incredibly strong person! Hugs

Pamela said...

been thinking about you my love! I remember a year ago, I had been reading your blog for a few months and I wanted to hug you via the computer when you told us. I can't explain how I know, but I know that you have an amazing future ahead of you! Your positivity, strength, and courage shine through - not to mention you are absolutely gorgeous inside and out and one of the sweetest people I have ever encountered. I can't wait till we finally meet in person!! thinking of you & sending you lots of prayers! You are amazing girl! xoxoxo

Hallie Oceanside said...

I have loved watching you grow through this, and being with you as you evolve in to this gorgeous, strong, confident, and inspirational woman.

I love you so so so much and I am so happy to have found you in this world and to have your support in everything I do, and in return I hope I can always give that back to you!

Love you sweet girl, and cannot wait to see where you go from here.

Kathy @ Vodka and Soda said...

such a positive post, i love it. steph (notentirelyperfect) directed me to this post and of course i listen to everything she says so here i am. and i'm *so glad* she told me about this/you.

breakups suck. regardless if you're the one doing it or at the receiving end, they suck because it marks the end of something that was part of you for a long time. and even if in a way you sort of knew it was coming, it's always sad to see something like that go because of all the time and emotion you've invested, all the 'what ifs' and 'maybes' that float through your mind but deep down, we know the truth and it takes a lot of courage to admit what we never really wanted to admit but knew all along.

however, as they say: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. i hate cliches but this one is totally true. unless you're dead at the end of it, the only way for you to go is forward, which is exactly what you're doing. and in doing so, it seems that you've learned a lot about yourself and really, isn't that the point of life? learning and growing with each day? when i broke up with my ex after 3yrs, i was scared and lost and had no idea how to be an adult single person. when you're a teen, you're carefree and really don't give a shit but being single as an adult is a little strange because you no longer want a fling (well, maybe) but you have end goals with your life. but breaking up with my ex was the best thing i ever did because like you, when i emerged from that relationship, i was a shell of my former self and had to relearn almost everything about myself again...and you know what? i realized a lot of things - about how strong i am. what i want from someone. what i don't want from someone. how i want to be loved. and i'm sure you're realizing these things too...and you will be a better partner for it.

so keep going. enjoy the now. look towards the future and love each second of it which it totally sounds like you're doing and that's awesome.

dammit, sorry for this longass comment!!

-kathy
Vodka and Soda

My-cliffnotes said...

I adore you and am glad to have been you're friend over a year!! Holla ;) xx

Ashley Barnhill said...

How in the world did I miss this post?! I am so proud of how far you've come! Look at you - able to stand on your own two feet and actually like what you've become. You are going to find that next guy and immediately know why things didn't work out. So proud of you! xoxo

Cassie said...

found you through Steph's blog, Not Entirely Perfect, and am a new follower!

keep on living and shit!!

Amy @ Living n Learning said...

Look at you livin' and shit indeed! I'm proud of you for learning from this experience and finding that it isn't the end of the world. :) You go girl!

Janna Renee said...

After 8 years, you can't expect to just bounce back! I do think you are doing wonderful, and you just need to keep at it! We all support you!!