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Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Enjoying the Single Girl Life

Can I just go ahead and give myself a huge pat on the back for staying single for 3/4 of a year? For those of you who are new to the Pink Growl, you may not realize how big of an accomplishment this is. Before last November, I was engaged and in a relationship for 8 years. Before that, I was single for not even a year and before that in a very off/on, hot/heavy relationship for 2-3 years, before that I was 5 years old. I don’t regret any of that for one second, but I definitely needed some grown up single time to learn the ways of the world. Being single was extremely foreign to me. I always identified myself as a “relationship person”. I’ve hated it, I’ve loved it, I’ve worked it to my advantage and I’ve grown to just be happy with where I am. It was so important to me to navigate through this heartbreak on my own. I didn’t want to rush right into another relationship, carrying my baggage along with me for the ride.
 
Remember when I gave you this update on my dating stats back in March?  It's hilarious to look back and read considering things have changed a thousand times over since then. Today, I’m going to do you one better – teach you some lessons I’ve learned.
1. Being single can make you feel like a player -
I remember a specific week that I had 4 dates. Not gonna lie, at first I felt like a baller. But then after I felt a little slutty. It was a little confusing! I never thought myself to be a good casual dater, but casual dating is part of the game. There's decent ones who turn out to be awful kissers, fun dates who surprise you when they don't call back, perfect guys that you just don't have chemistry with no matter how hard you try to force it - I've run into it all. I learned there's no such thing as a bad date...just a chance to get drunk on someone else's dime. Kidding...sort of. Just go with it. It's all a learning opportunity.
 
2. Sure, there are lonely nights – that’s why God made wine and dogs-
After being stuck up someone's ass constantly for 8 years, I found that living alone was quite lonely at times. I wasn't used to it AT ALL. Two of my best friends lived in different states. Enter Tilly lovin' and wine! I'd call up my BFF (who was in Iowa at the time) and we would drink and talk for hours. It was such a comfort! THIS is why you don't ditch your girls when you get a new man, ladies! Girl code!
 
3. Know exactly what you want, and be open with boys-
Let's face it, boys have zero problem using you and losing you if you allow it. They go into it knowing what they want from you. I learned that being extremely up front with them is the best policy too. I'm pretty sure my tagline became "I don't do feelings or dates, I just want to have a good time". I didn't want any sort of emotional connection, nothing resembling a date at all. If a guy wanted to hang out with me, I was definitely calling the shots. Eliminated confusion!
 
4. Have at least one boy in your life who is a constant. I had two-
That sounds bad...but it's true! Remember my Boy Toy you heard about who took me to see Luke Bryan? He was a lifesaver! He popped up 3 weeks after my breakup. He and I were friends before and he went through a similar situation. We were exactly on the same page with what we wanted; I think that boy hated feelings more than I did. He became one of my fav drinking buddies! We have tons of mutual friends and we still talk, but neither of us wanted anything to come out of it. We just needed someone to get through a tough time with. It was very non emotional, no feelings, we just had a blast together. THEN there was an ex-boyfriend from waaaaay back who I had always remained friends with. He calls me "the one that got away" when he's drunk. Throughout history we have never been able to get on the same page with our feelings, but he has been an emotional outlet for me. I will never forget the day after my supposed wedding day, I had a massive breakdown on the floor sobbing my eyes out in a Wal-Mart. Like couldn't breathe ugly crying. He came to my rescue and let me cry in his truck for hours, and just promised me better days. When I get sad to this day, he's there. And I'm there for him. When my high school boyfriends hurt my feelings, he was there. When his wife left him, I was there. We will always be friends.
 
5. Marriage does not equal happiness-
I could spend 500 posts detailing all the lessons I've learned about married people - from the outside looking in, of course. But I'll just sum it up by saying marriage does not equal happiness. All my life I thought getting married would be this amazing be all, end all. But that's not always the case. Plenty of people don't get married for the right reasons. I was always a bit of a marriage skeptic anyhow, but after surviving a broken engagement and seeing plenty of friends live through divorces, I think I'll be more careful with this heart of mine. Now that doesn't mean I don't believe in it, because I do. Wholeheartedly. But I'm okay with taking my time and doing it right.
 
6. Enjoy your freedom-
People kept telling me this - especially older, wiser, married people. And I just couldn't grasp it. It took me months to be able to enjoy the perks of being single. It's hard not to feel like the grass is greener, no matter which side of the fence you're on. Truth is, I won't be single forever. Probably not much longer. But while I do have this time to myself I might as well live it up. Go out on weeknights with my girlfriends. Thirsty Thursdays with my guy friends. Random roadtrips. Sleep completely sideways in my bed...I really love doing that. Make my alone time count. Life is full of curveballs - don't be afraid to ride them out and see where the journey leads you.

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28 comments:

Stephanie said...

I love this post more than words can say. <3

Amanda aka Manda said...

I love this post! I can so relate to some of it, but I'm the opposite as far as relationships go...perpetually single girl over here! BTW- the ecards...AMAZING! We'll both just enjoy our freedom until that "freaking amazing" guy comes along!

DeAnna Stephens said...

I totally relate to this post. I was always the single chick but then dated a guy for 4-years before breaking it off.
I really learned to LOVE being single and drinking wine and talking on my phone isstill my favorite thing to do when I'm home alone. It's how I survived many years home on a Friday or Saturday(alone).
I'm telling you girl.. you're going to be SOOOOOOO much better in the long run having this time to get to know yourself and be okay with being alone.
And, no matter what ANYONE says.. DON'T SETTLE!
What you said about being married makes you happy?
Oh, you are so right. I noticed that, just like you after all my friends starting talking about divorce and I was still single.
Made me that much more happy that I waited for Mr. Right.
Because you know what? He is Mr. Right and I still can't believe I met him in a bar.
Seriously........
XOXO

Rachel S said...

Go you!!! I think after going what you went through...you needed some you time!! You are amazing and strong!

Cassie said...

i am SO proud of you!! you are such an amazing person and i am SO lucky to call you my friend!!

number 5 could NOT BE MORE TRUE!! keep your head up lady.

xoxoxoxoxxoxooxo

Britt said...

I love this and am so proud of how far you've come! One of the best ways to get to where you are is to have an amazing support base, and I'm so happy to see that you have that. Your happily ever after is waiting for you :)

Erin @ Keep Calm and Sparkle said...

I LOVE LOVE this post!! So proud of you and all you have overcame!! Realtionships and marriage are never easy but the right one will come along and you will still have ups and downs but in the end you will be so happy and look back on this time and say "Thank God" that ended!!

Love you sister!!

XoXo

Mave loves you too! :)

Erin @ Sugar Magnolia said...

Good for you girl!!

Lindsey said...

So proud of you girl!!!!

Pamela said...

Love this & YOU! You have come such a long way. You're so strong! Sometimes I am jealous of your free time, ha! You are so right - never forget about your girlfriends!!

Danae said...

So good for you! While I love that I am with Billy if I wasn't I would be happy being single. It gives you a sense of being strong and being able to do whatever you want whenever you want. So you go girl!

Megan said...

You are so positive Nikki and I love that about you! Thank goodness for wine and dogs!

Nikki said...

GIRL you have come leaps and bounds from when your world came crashing down and I am so happy for you! You have definitely learned a lot in the past 3/4 of a year! so happy for you!

TheTinyHeart said...

You have come so far and you are such a strong person! You should definitely enjoy every moment of being single and all that wine :)

-Sharon
The Tiny Heart
Target Giveaway!

Katie said...

Good for you!! That is a long time to be single especially for a "relationship king of girl" (Im one of those as well.).

Ditching your girlfriends when a new guy comes into your life is my biggest pet peeve. Those girls were there when you were down and crying for days. They don't deserve a come and go friendship. I completely agree with that.

Number 4 was very sweet!! :) That's awesome that you have guy friends that are strictly guy friends nothing more and that they are there for you when you are down.

Kerry @ Till Then Smile Often said...

Love this post! You learn so much about yourself when you are single and it is always better to let time pass and heal all the hurts before moving on.

P!nky said...

SO SO SO freakin true. So happy you are in a good place. It's so true about enjoying where you are now. I loved my singlegirlswag days [posted about it to day actually] doing what i wanted when I wanted. It was amazing.

xoxo

Aly said...

This is such a great post! So happy to see you loving where you're at right now!

Kait said...

Number 5 made me really sad :( I think you're right that a lot of people have false expectations of what marriage is and how it works. I know your other half is out there just waiting for you!!! XO

Fran @ Sassy Southern Bride said...

This was a great post. I didn't date for a year and looking back, that was a great year (although I would have said I was lonely at the time).

Katherine - Real Food Runner said...

Awesome post!!!!!!!!

http://therealfoodrunner.blogspot.com

Christa said...

Most important words in this post: "random road trips"...you just left out that they will be to visit me and Tilly's boyfriend ;)

SHUG IN BOOTS {Beth} said...

I am so proud of you, shug! Excellent post! I am trying to keep this mentality as well ... except trying to enjoy my married life while it's just us and trying not to be so consumed by wanting a baby. You are awesome!! :)

Rachel Sedaker said...

Good for you for looking at what you've learned from being single. I've been the perpetual single girl, so things are a bit different for me. Living with my sister and her family, however, sure makes me thankful for my freedom. Oh, and heck yes for sprawling out on the bed- that is, if my dog isn't in the way.

Jackie said...

Glad you are doing good with single life!! I wish I was dating at all. I've never done casual dating and really honestly never have done much in the way of relationships either...my love life has been lacking most of my adult life. BUT I can appreciate some of the perks of being single

Ashley said...

i adore every word of this post. and totally needed it...however, i'm going to need you to enlighten me on #1 - where do you meet all your men lady? i've been single for 5 years and may have been on like 5 legit dates....1 of those may have been in a food court....and one may have started at 10pm. #facepalm.

Julie Marie said...

aw this made me sad...but yet i agree, enjoy it.. i got married so young...and suffered a little bit because of it.. i never had too much time to date around and be single. i got married a year out of high school and it caused problems in my marriage...
thankfully we made it through, but a really great book i start reading is the 5 love languages..its a good reminder that marriage isnt about being in love...thats sort of just a temporary fantasy.. marriage and love really is about work...a good kind and fulfilling if you are both willing, but its alot of work...rarely is it about feelings...
i am sure you know that being with someone for 8 years.. but i just read the book now after being married 17 years! and it still is an eye opener they way he talks about "feelings" and being "in love."
love you sweet friend =) take advantage of this time, because before you know it you will have 3 kids and be begging for a "single" day =)

Life With Lauren said...

This is such a wonderful post. All of those are very good points. Your number 5 is very sad but true marriage is very hard work sometimes and you have to expect and be willing to go through the bad for the good times. You are such a strong person. You will find the right when the time is right. Hope your having a wonderful week.